Fumble Unto Me
by thevigilante15
Summary: House apologizes to Cuddy for his comment on her being a horrible mother and angst ensues. . Please read and review! Takes place after Raising Judas episode and spoilers. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

Fumble Unto Me

_Disclaimer: I do not own the House characters, nor the SpongeBob character or Nickelodeon -so sad really. This story was inspired from future spoilers I had heard and from the preview for the episode in two weeks. This is what I would like to see House do-apologize to Cuddy for being mean! Anyway, hope you like! Spoilers/references to episode "Distractions" and "Who's your Daddy?" Minor tweaks and changes made. _

House sat down on his couch flipping through station after station. There really _was_ nothing good on television anymore. Nickelodeon's little game of switching SpongeBob's show times around to make it more convenient for kids to watch was not what Gregory House considered to be the responsible thing to do.

Damn these producers! Thinking that more viewers would be found at 3pm versus 10pm was just ridiculous! What were they thinking?

Greg finally gave up and shut the TV off. There really was nothing for him to do that could be considered remotely constructive.

It wasn't like he could relieve his itch to go jogging around the block.

Thinking about it now, he realized that that was truly the one thing he missed most since his short stint with rehabilitation. Jogging was something that gave him a pure high.

At the word high, Greg felt another part of his anatomy "rise to the occasion".

Well, there was always other ways to get a good workout.

His hand ran carefully over his already swollen member. Maybe he could call Bambi or Candy or whatever the hell her name was. He was about due for a "distraction." House began to lick his lips hitting his speed dial when a loud knocking could be heard coming from his door.

Damn they're quick, he thought. House stood up slowly. The knocking grew more persistent.

"I'm coming," he called. Right now he wished he was.

He looked through the peephole and sighed. God, didn't this woman have anything better to do than to hound him?

He opened the door to see her standing there looking lost. That look had been more becoming of her lately.

"Can't find anyone else to entertain this evening?" he said smartly.

Cuddy looked at the bulge in House's pants.

"I guess I should have. It looks like you're already entertaining yourself."

House followed her eyes glued to his crotch and suppressed a blush. He quickly hid his body behind the door.

"It's not much of a party without the Vicodin. Got any?"

Cuddy bit her lower lip.

"I am not your supplier."

"Sure you are," he replied. "You just go by the name of "doctor", " his hands gesturing quotation marks.

Cuddy glared at him, but her eyes began to soften a bit when they moved to his face. Greg's eyes were red. He looked like he hadn't slept for days, probably since the suspension. His hand trembled slightly even though he tried to hide it by balancing on the door knob.

While as pathetic as he appeared, Cuddy stood firm.

"I want an apology."

House twitched his nose and sniffed almost as if her comment was meant to humor him.

"Apologize for what? Leaving the toilet seat up in your office? I thought I was doing you a favor." His eyes didn't back down.

"You know damn well what I mean."

He did. Those hateful words he had said. He was in so much pain, but words like that especially about her should never have been thought of, let alone said out loud. God, he could be an asshole sometimes.

_It's a good thing you failed becoming a mom because you suck at it._

House took a good look at her. Her eyes were red, probably from all of the crying she had been doing over his stupid comment. She looked pathetic. He decided to back down.

House closed his eyes taking a step back, his head gesturing for her to come in the apartment.

Shifting her eyes from him to the room before her, a piece of her suddenly wondered if she was doing the right thing. It's been nearly a week. She should be over it by now. I'm sure I've heard worse in my life, she thought.

Somehow, for some reason, this one hurt more than the rest.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

Cuddy got herself comfortable on the couch. squishing this way and that before replying.

"Sure, tea is fine."

House groaned.

"I was trying to be polite, see. I really wasn't expecting to have to make anything."

"Then you never should have offered."

House's blue eyes shone through his furrowed brow. He got the impression that there was a deeper meaning to that phrase. Sometimes even he could be dense.

After all, he _was_ a guy.

He limped back into the living room on his own. The cane was left next to Cuddy's side of the couch. House sat down to gauge Cuddy's reaction by sitting next to her. She kept inching further and further away and he kept trying to get closer. Finally she couldn't take it anymore.

"Knock it off!"

House grinned, "Sure, if you want me to."

Cuddy gave up.

"I don't know even know why I came here. Good-bye."

She stood up to leave. Why did she think that for once he'd be anything **but** an asshole?

"Wait."

One word. Cuddy thought maybe it meant so much more than it did. Then again, she didn't speak House.

"I'm sorry."

Cuddy spun to face him.

"No, you're not. You're just saying that because now that you have company, you realize you don't always like being alone!"

House opened his mouth to speak.

"Hookers don't count, House!"

He closed it quickly.

She was right as always. Still, why did he say a horrible thing to her?

"You're right, about part of it anyway." His voice started in a deep growl rising louder with each word. "The part you're wrong about is that I am truly sorry about what I had said. I wish I could take it back, but I can't! I have spent most of the past few nights thinking of what I should have done and not what I did. Is that what you want to hear?"

Cuddy's eyes had been shedding tears rapidly through his rant, but House didn't notice until he was through.

"Yes, "she whispered.

House closed his blue eyes. Maybe Wilson wasn't such an idiot after all. Maybe talking about feelings _can_ actually be therapeutic. House began to feel tired for the first time in seven days.

The whistle of the teakettle, which had been blasting away for quite some time now took precedent over the current conversation. Cuddy walked past House gently pushing him aside to turn it off. He felt her touch, but tried not to register it.

Maybe he should tell her to go before he said anything else regretful. He was too late. Cuddy had already fixed herself a tea and one for him as well.

"Thanks."

Cuddy smiled in his direction. House limped back to the couch and took a seat.

House looked at Cuddy's profile and he just couldn't resist.

"You know the real reason you felt the need for me to apologize to you was because you believed what I had said about you."

Cuddy remained stoic.

"It's not true" House added quickly. "I was in such pain…I said things that weren't true."

"Are you in pain now?"

House bit his lower lip.

"Pain's still there but the need to inflict it on others, isn't."

Cuddy knew that was his way of an apology. She rested her head comfortably against the back of the couch.

"When a little rugrat does pop out of you….well that kid will have hit the jackpot."

Cuddy whispered, "If a rugrat…"

House shook his head. "When."

Their eyes met. Maybe he could say the right thing sometimes. Neither one moved in their seat, but something felt different. The feeling was familiar, almost like an understanding between the two quite similar to the feeling that House had when Cuddy came up to thank him for the injections.

It was a small fluttering that began in his belly. It was feeling he hadn't had since…. God he didn't want to go down that road again.

A distraction was needed and quickly. House sat up and turned on the TV. OOOh…a football game was on.

"_Now_ there's something good on."

Cuddy watched with feigned enthusiasm.

"Oh, now that was a fumble!" she cried.

House looked mildly surprised.

"I didn't know you knew what a fumble was."

Cuddy looked at House.

"Everyone knows what a fumble is, House."

House nodded looking straight back at her. The two were left watching the game finally agreeing on something.

_Hope you all enjoyed this one shot! Please review…please please please! I will get back to writing Resolutions, but I had to write this. I felt so badly for Cuddy the other night. I also believe I may have paraphrased the quote from the episode but you all get the idea. Thanks! _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-

_Sorry couldn't help it. I decided to add more to a one shot-not a one shot anymore. I own none of the characters in this story. Contains spoilers in general for Raising Judas and for Merry Little Christmas episode to come in two weeks-two weeks is too long to wait. Spoilers and speculation now that is the key!_

_What am I doing here? _

Cuddy's eyes closed hesitantly trying to breathe. It seemed to be getting harder and harder to do. Gregory House was sitting on the couch next to her watching the game. His blue eyes had gotten even redder than they were when she had first entered his apartment. He was shaking more, trembling as if from fear. _Not fear…Vicodin withdrawal_…

House's slender hand out of no where grabbed at his leg. His attempt to suppress a whimper was unsuccessful. While Cuddy's first instinct was to comfort him, she knew that it was against her odds to do so. _What have I done? _

House's breathing had quickened as his knee hit the coffee table. _Oh God. _

House knocked the remote switching off the TV. Neither one noticed it. Cuddy decided that she couldn't ignore him any longer. She reached out to him only to come face to face with his blazing eyes. They were so full of rage, _No beyond rage…hate._

"Get the fuck away from me!"

His words although drastically different reminded her of the hurtful words he declared about her mothering skills.

House dropped clenching his teeth, in a solid rocking motion.

"What do you need?"

Hoses stifled a chuckle.

"The fucking Vicodin, you idiot!"

_Obviously._

"I can't, "Cuddy whispered. _Can't or won't?_

House knew she was causing him to resort to begging. Cuddy knew it too. He could see it in her eyes. _She must really hate me. I don't think…I'm going to …make it…_

"You're useless…"he whispered.

House' eyes began to close slowly, almost as if lost in thought. Cuddy wished that were the case but knew that it was the pain. It was killing him.

_You know that the pain alone will kill you,_ she once heard Stacy say

"No, "she whispered tears. _I will not be the cause of that. Enough mistakes were made. _

Cuddy reached a tentative hand against the rigid body of House as he continued to bite his lips till they bleed. His breathing had quickened and Cuddy could feel his heart beating uncontrollably as she pulled him close to her, placing his head on her chest.

"Where is it?"

House looked up in her eyes. Cuddy looked back. What they each saw was not something either one had seen in themselves before. _Pity...no not pity…_

House found that he had lost the ability to compose words, but his eyes spoke volumes. Cuddy followed his fading gaze to the top of the bookcase. She gently let go of him although reluctantly, to grab the box. She whipped out the needle with speed and precision and jabbed it deep into his thigh. House let out a groan. _Pain was fading….morphine…damn morphine….. a weak bastard _

Cuddy realized that she had pulled him close to her again when she saw his blue eyes staring gratefully back up at her. _He's pulling away, but not too quickly…._

"Thank you."

It was a soft form of gratitude, barely audible. Cuddy heard it and that was all House needed to know. She allowed him to be free of her arms where he remained seated next to her on the floor. Neither one moved.

"Maybe…. I should…go…" Cuddy murmured. _Ask me to stay._

House found his voice.

"Yeah," _Stay. _

Cuddy picked up the empty needle when a sudden answer to both of their prayers was heard. A strong clap of thunder drowned out the remorseful thoughts of two friends.

House looked at Cuddy his eyes still quite red, but the cause of that had changed. Fatigue appeared to be washing over him which was a comforting site to Cuddy. The rain was coming down in torrents now. House didn't' say anything almost daring Cuddy to speak first. _I don't know what to say._

House's eyes were as hypnotic as the lightning flashing behind him. _Say something, you idiot_

Neither one spoke. House moved to the window a little bit better than before. He peered behind the blinds.

"I hope you built your ark, Cuddy."

Cuddy looked at her white jacket, a brand new gift she had bought for herself and slowly began to unbutton it.

House grinned.

"You can have the couch."

Cuddy nodded.

"How'd I guess that one," she muttered under her breath.

The next thing she knew, House had tossed her a blanket which landed on her head.

":Thanks." She called back in a mocking tone as she head the thump of the cane going to the bedroom.

_I wasn't going to make this into a long story but I figured while I was waiting to become inspired to write the nest chapter of Resolutions, I would write more on this. This is dedicated to those of you who wished for more (you know who you are!) Please review and maybe I will write more. Thanks! _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. Spoilers for Detox, Merry Little Christmas and spoilers in general. _

_What have I done? __You are a pathetic loser House. _

House glanced toward his bedroom door slightly ajar. He was finding it harder to breathe and his leg pain was slowly returning. It had only been three hours since the morphine. _Apparently long enough._

House winced as a sharp pain dug deeply into his dead muscle. _Nearly 7 years of this shit. _

Maybe, no he shouldn't go there. .But then again... _Maybe you should have chopped it off. _

His hand turned the knob slowly as to not wake his guest. _What would she do if she saw you getting high again? _

There were several alternatives to that action. House only liked one. _Hold me. I am needy. _

At the word needy, he thought of Wilson. _I am not a Judas _

House limped on carefully, cautiously but eager to get to the box that contained relief. _I will never betray myself for any deal._

His breathing quickened as he thought of Wilson's actions. Bastard probably thought he was doing the right thing. Chase would've turned on you to go to jail. _Maybe I deserve jail. _

He inched higher on the top shelf. He stretched as far as his arm would allow afraid that the box would come crashing down. _Pain is clouding your judgment. Focus. _

House tore open the morphine box to find it containing nothing but gauze pads and empty needles. _What has she done?_

House stayed low to the floor dragging his spastic body along for the ride. He edged up to Cuddy' side of the sofa. _She took them. I know she did. I should have one more….maybe…maybe I'm wrong….so foggy_.

He began to reach in and around the couch to see if she was sleeping on them which would be stupid, but so Cuddy. _Protecting me again._

He felt nothing. His eyes scanned in the dark looking for anything that would stand out. _Darkness. _

The pain was becoming unbearable. He had been through this once before. Detoxing to get out of clinic duty. _Detoxing because she asked you to_.

The feelings were the same. Maybe the solution was the same too. _A new form of pain relief._

He continued to drag his body into the kitchen. The drawers looked so far away. He reached up to pull it opened. _Oh God, please._

He felt around stabbing himself repeatedly with the utensils until he came across what he needed. He turned to face Cuddy on the couch. _You must not see this. _

House cried out. Softly, so that she wouldn't know.

He looked down at his handy work. He slit his arm causing a deep wound to form. The blood loss was making him dizzy. The cut was deep but not life threatening. He started to feel better. _Yeah, this is better. _

He made his way back to the bedroom and onto the bed. _Rest_.

House fell fast asleep before he could even clean up the wound. The last thing he had done was bury it under the sheets.

_Out of sight out of mind. _

_Hope you all like. I have been thinking so much about what the possibilities could be from seeing the screencaps for the Merry Little Christmas episode and reading spoilers that this is what I got so far on this story. More to come. Hope you all like. I haven't forgotten about Resolutions. I am actually thinking of writing two stories with similar themes but written differently to see which one people like better. You guys decide!_

_Please review! I will update faster._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own House.

House tossed and turned. God, the nightmares were horrible. Blood was everywhere. _Too much blood to survive._

House shot up in his bed vomiting. Sweat dripped off of his aching head. Fever….infection. He looked down at his arm where the blood was oozing all over his pristine sheets. _Shit. _

He knew he had forgotten something. House tried to move but found that his legs had failed him. _Again._

He made a loud thump as he landed on the floor. A soft moan escaped his lips as he tried his best to stand up. The entire room was spinning. _Who thought a small gash could cause so much damage?_

House limped off to the bathroom. He reached into the medicine cabinet spilling the entire contents into his sink. With shaky hands he reached in the dark to try and find some antiseptics and gauze. _Can't wake Cuddy. _

House looked in her direction. _Want to. _

A stabbing pain overcame his leg. It was suppose to be his arm, not his leg that was killing him. _Never the way is it supposed to be. _

House slid onto the floor in the bathroom, his hands full of gauze and cleaner.

He opened the bottle but due to the loss of blood, his grasp slipped spilling the cleaner over the floor. The smell of rubbing alcohol filled the air stinging his nose and bringing tears to his eyes. The faint light of dawn was seen coming through the window across the room. House blue eyes became memorized by it. _It is so beautiful… feel .so tired. . _

He began to drift.

Cuddy heard something fall. Maybe it was the fact that she was a light sleeper that she heard it or something told her something wasn't right.

She sat up stretching stiffly and began to investigate. There was not a light on anywhere. She peered in the kitchen. Nothing. She peered in the bathroom. _Oh my God. _

Cuddy bent down and grabbed his arm to check for a pulse. It was there, but House appeared to be unconscious.

"House? Wake up." _Please wake up._

House stirred briefly. His blue eyes saw Cuddy's.

"I forgot you were here." He whispered.

"It'll be OK." She raided the sink for any other cleaner that may have been overlooked and found a new bottle of iodine. She quickly began to rub it on his skin. It burned. She knew it. House didn't scream, but pulled back sharply. His eyes looked cold and more awake. _Bastard. What did you do to yourself?_

She began to swipe away at the blood on his arm gently and bandaged it up. The wound was a lot less severe than initially thought of. He must have been bleeding for hours though for him to be like this. _Why? Is it that bad? _

House looked into her eyes. _I can't explain myself to you or anyone. _

She held his hand tightly. House started to pull away from her. _I need to get away from you. _

Cuddy held on tighter. _I'm not leaving._

House gave up quickly in his weakened state.

His eyes looked so forlorn. Cuddy felt the tears drifting away from her, rolling down her soft cheeks.

House slid further onto the bathroom floor trying to find a place free from the smell of the alcohol, but it was impossible.

Cuddy's small hands, gentle hands continued to hold on. _I'm not letting go._

Their eyes locked.

_Don't let go._

House drifted off to sleep.

_Please review! Hope you all like so far. I am trying to keep in character but allowing their thoughts to be heard. Everyone hides their thoughts at times don't they, even House. _


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. Once again, the italics are their thoughts and no one knows them but me..hahahehehehe sorry evil laugh and I guess you all do now too. Secret's out! I fixed some of the thougth placement. I got an anonymous review that suggested it might be a better read that way. Hope that helps!_

_What am I doing? _

Gregory House wiped the moisture off of his bathroom mirror left from his recent shower and gazed as his distorted reflection. _Maybe not so distorted._

House leaned against the warm sink, his hands firmly clasped around the porcelain edges. It was smooth, delicate taking in his touch like a welcomed lover. _Like Cuddy….maybe._

House shut his eyes tightly to get out the images that were causing an unnecessary reaction in him. He took a deep breath. His leg, the pain…._Maybe it is in your head, old man._

No, they were not right. They were not right about his shoulder nor are they right about his leg_. They_ never have been. _God, the throbbing…._

House tried to relax. He didn't want to go out there and let her see his weakness again.

_Once was enough this evening…wait not once…twice. _

Earlier that morning:

_She had seen him at his weakest. Not even Wilson had seen that **ever**. He was sitting on the bathroom floor dying, fading. He saw her. He thought she was an angel and in a heartbeat he believed in God. When he saw it was her, he realized he had forgotten she was there. Cuddy…always there when you need her. You are never there for her are you? Not the way you want to be. Not the way, she wants you to be. Even though she had never asked you, you know she wants it to be you ever since that day in your office. You don't have the balls to tell her you know that. You aren't as dense as you seem. You do ….you do want to say yes. _

House opened his eyes to the present. He realized that in his eagerness to wash away any residue of Cuddy's presence, he had forgotten to bring new clothes into bathroom with him. _Shit._

Oh well, he thought as he slipped his rock and roll shirt back on.

A disturbing yet honest thought came to mind. _I bet she's glad you didn't say yes. _

------------------------------------------------------------

Cuddy found herself caught in a disturbing dream. The rain had ceased to enter her mind's dwelling, but they left their impression. _House is crying._

Cuddy seemed so far away. She simply watched him like a wraith waiting to reveal itself. House was crying in pain, agony, or even loneliness. _No, not House. A dream._

Cuddy's eyes opened.

She heard the thumping of the cane and quickly closed her eyes trying to regain the composure she feels she had abandoned._Not abandoned….lost completely._

She felt House sit down directly on her feet. _Bastard._

The TV went on. Cuddy blinked her eyes trying to wake up. She looked at her watch. It was 9:00 am already? She couldn't remember falling back asleep after having been up most of the night with him. How did she get to the couch anyway? She was on the bathroom floor last time she remembered. The stench of rubbing alcohol still burned her nostrils. House sat completely still switching stations on the TV.

_Did he carry me? No, he couldn't have_. His arm looked better in the fact that the bleeding had stopped. House looked more refreshed than yesterday. What really happened with him? _Will I ever know? _

Trying to keep him distracted might be the best way for him to open up.

"What are you like 5 years old? Do you always watch cartoons?"

House began to rhythmically bounce on Cuddy's legs to annoy her. _Maybe just to see her reaction. _

"Wake up. Time to watch Tom and Jerry."

Cuddy yanked her feet away from him causing House to fall onto her. Their faces were just inches from each other. _One of us should move._

House grinned. He threw her some tic- tacs.

"I think you need these more than I do right now. Unless you always smell like that."

_Pull my pigtails harder House. _Cuddy tried to catch them but missed causing the entire little plastic box of white mints to scatter over the floor. Her shoulders sagged. _Looks like one of those days already. _

House stood up carefully analyzing the mess.

"Thank God you're not my maid"

Then as an after thought.

"Although a low cut maid's costume…." His blue eyes grew wider. _Wow._

Cuddy tried to ignore his comment as usual, but a flutter filled her belly a feeling that she hadn't had since…._I can't do this again._

Cuddy watched a smirking House go make himself some coffee. She continued to clean up the white candy as she noticed House actually make two cups of coffee. He brought one over to her.

"I guess it is possible for an old dog to learn new tricks."

"Do you want the damn thing or not?"

Cuddy took it and muttered "thanks" under her breath.

She stole a glance at his arm.

"How's the arm?"

House looked at his arm. _Weakness. _

"I'm pathetic."

Cuddy made a face. "Well, that's the first time I ever heard you compare your selves to us lowly mortals."

"Since Wilson is my Judas, I suppose…"

"Wait," Cuddy interrupted, "Are you comparing yourself to Jesus Christ now?"

House stared blankly at her.

"Well, I am a healer."

_Insufferable. _

House continued to grin. _I am damned to hell now. _

"How did I get here?"

House shrugged.

."Well, that's a long and complicated story beginning with Mr and Mrs. Cuddy. One day they decided to make baby Cuddy.

She shook her head. _Asshole._

"No, I mean on this couch. Wasn't I on the floor with you last night?"

House's blue eyes twinkled.

"You on the floor with me? If that's the case I want extra for last night" he proclaimed holding out his hand. Cuddy grabbed it which was not the reaction he expected. _Her touch..._

"Did you carry me?"

House looked her straight in the eyes.

"I don't remember."

Cuddy couldn't tell if he was lying or not, but she decided to let it go for now along with his hand.

His hands were a lot softer than she thought _Than I remembered._

House went back to watching his cartoons. _He's going to act like nothing happened._

Cuddy reached up for the remote and shut the damn thing off.

"Hey! I was watching that!"

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." _Too much to talk about. _

"Don't be an ass Greg."

_She called me Greg._

Cuddy kept her eyes glued to his profile.

_I called him Greg. _

House stood up.

"I think you had better leave." _Telling her to go…what is wrong with you?_

Cuddy stood up.

"If that's what you want." _Tell me to stay._

House had his back faced to the window. He remembered the light coming from that window only hours before. _I saw an angel._

He sighed and hesitantly sat down on the couch. The pain was returning again.

Cuddy saw him holding his arm, tenderly as if it were strained from strenuous use. _Maybe from carrying another person to the couch. __Why didn't I notice that before?_

House's eyes softened.

"Do you like Chinese?"

Cuddy smiled.

_As always please review! I am glad so many of you like this so far. I love feedback. I will get back to Resolutions, but right now I think I am really into this one for some reason. (Still mad at House I guess from last week) Thanks_!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. Italics are their thoughts and contain spoilers for Merry Little Christmas and beyond.

_

* * *

_

_It's coming back. _

House felt it, sliding and oozing its way up his body starting with his toes. It was that feeling of dread and fear that often would overwhelm him before _Before I would wish I was dead. _

He stood up with whatever strength he could muster and began to walk from his cozy covers into the cool outer room where Cuddy slept.

Yeah, it was only 2pm in the afternoon but she had a rough night. _Saving your sorry ass. _

He hated to wake her, but this mess he was in was partially her fault at least as far as he could remember anyway. He could've sworn he had at least one more syringe of morphine left but now his box was empty. _She took it. I know she did. _

House continued to hobble over to her side of the couch leaning heavily into his cane. He paused for a moment to watch her sleep. _She seems so peaceful. _

He reached out and gave her shoulder a gentle push. She flinched but didn't quite budge. _Come on Cuddy. Don't make this anymore difficult._

He gave her another shove this time harder and more deliberate. _My pain will become your pain soon. _

Cuddy finally began to budge. Her eyes squinted. The light wasn't unusually bright since the rain had started up again. It cast eerie shadows in House's apartment causing her to momentarily forget where she was. When she saw his face, she sat up as quickly as her fatigued body would allow her to.

"Are you OK?"

House sighed, trying to muffle his painfully obvious wincing. _Don't make me beg. _

"Where did you put my morphine?"

Cuddy blinked several times dumbfounded. _Morphine? _

She remained motionless.

"Come on!" he snapped. "I need it. Where did you put it?"

Cuddy shook her head partially in fear of what House may do if she tells him the truth. _He needs to know._

"There was no other morphine syringes. I gave you the last one the other day."

_Please be lying to me. _House closed his eyes.

"What?"

Cuddy reached out to touch his hand.

"There was none left."

House pulled away from her.

"You're lying."

"I'm not." Cuddy said sadly_. I wish I was. _

House threw his cane against the wall.

"Damn it!" he yelled almost in harmony with the thunder. He reached out to rub his leg. _I'm going to die._

He looked to Cuddy. He hated the look she had in her eyes. _She was pitying him. I hate her for that. _

"What can I do?" _Let me help you. _

"Nothing." _I need a distraction. _

"What?"

House looked to Cuddy. Did he say distraction out loud? He sighed. He was very tempted to hit his speed dial, but not in front of her. _Not Cuddy_.

House bit his lower lip and limped off without his cane praying that he would make it through the night. Another part of him was hoping he wouldn't.

_A distraction?_

Cuddy knew what House thought of as distractions. She wished with all of her heart that she had morphine for him, but she didn't. Should she offer herself to him? Would that distraction free him for even a few hours of pain? _Would it free me?_

Cuddy stood up, her heart thumping in her chest. She couldn't hear any movement from the bedroom. She tiptoed softly as to not reach the creaks that lay hidden within the floorboards longing to call out and warn their master of what sin was about to be committed. Cuddy pushed open the door. He eyes filled with tears as she saw him lying peacefully deep in sleep_. Peacefully, for once you appear to be sleeping peacefully, but for how long?. _

Cuddy realized that the pain must have reached a point of total exhaustion for him. She sat down ever so gently on the bed. Her hand reached down to caress his stubbled cheek. House flinched slightly at the touch but not in the way she expected. He leaned in closer to it almost welcoming it. _Welcoming me._

What Cuddy was about to do could change everything. _Not necessarily for the best. _

With a deep breath and a wish in her heart, she allowed her slender fingers to begin to caress his jeans beginning with his inner thigh. Her hands moved slowly to the center of his jeans when she felt her hand being grabbed roughly.

"What the hell are you doing?" A raspy voice asked.

Cuddy swallowed hard.

"Giving you a distraction." _Trying to save you from yourself._

House opened his eyes. They were so blue and so sad.

"Get away from me."

Cuddy finally bid the tears farewell that she tried to hold back. House was shaking again ever so slightly. _He will die without something. _

Cuddy turned around to leave pausing briefly. She walked over to the sleeping form of House with clenched fists. One fist unclenched dropping two shiny white pills on the nightstand.

"Go ahead. Betray yourself." _If you only let someone in…. _

She left without another word.

House opened his eyes. _Why do you push everyone away_? _Wilson,_ _Cameron, and especially Cuddy_…..

His blue eyes widened as he licked his lips at the sight of the Vicoden. It had been a week without it. Should he take it? _Maybe not._ _Maybe Cuddy and a distraction is all I need. No, not that way. It's not right_. _I would be betraying her if I did with her what I wanted to do. _

House reached out and swallowed the pills closing his eyes in relief and guilt as his betrayal of his own self came to pass.

_My name is Judas. _

_

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_

_Hope you all enjoyed. Let me know what you think. Thank you all for the feedback so far! _

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. _

* * *

House leaned his head back against the pillow trying for the fifth time to get himself out of the bed with no luck. It wasn't his leg. For the first time this week, it wasn't his leg. After not having the Vicodin for a full week, the two pills he took nearly four hours ago were still doing their job. _I'm high and I still feel like shit. _

There were many reasons for House to still feel like shit. He and Cuddy had a bit of a run in the night before which thankfully House stopped before it had gone to far. _Maybe she wasn't as happy about it. _He knew a part of him wasn't. _Damn moral ethics. _

House sighed and finally decided to move. _Was it still Saturday_? The clock said 8pm so House was guessing that that was a yes. As for Cuddy was she even still here? Grabbing his crutch, he sauntered off to find her.

Cuddy was indeed still in his apartment quite to House's surprise although it didn't look like she would be for long. She was quickly gathering the few belongings she had brought with her as well as folding up the blankets she had borrowed from House's closet for her brief stay. House watched the view with enjoyment and a bit of remorse too. God, I can't believe what she was about to do for me. _For me, a lousy piece of shit. Am I that pitiful to her? _

Cuddy looked completely involved in her activity. House realized that she didn't even know he had been standing there when she turned around gasping rather loudly.

"God, I hate when you do that."

House grinned slyly.

"I usually can't." He gestured toward the cane.

Cuddy had no response. She got back to her folding. _Why did you do what_ _you did last night?_ He wanted to know, but couldn't find the words to ask her.

Maybe she didn't know either. She still doesn't even know why you cut yourself. _You owe her that at least. _

"Cuddy, "House started in slowly before being interrupted by a slender hand waving in his face.

"Can't talk now. I got paged. I have to get to the hospital." _Her baby is crying. _

House's blue eyes fell. Cuddy looked into them. _Why did you do it, House? Why can't you just talk like other people? Who did this to you that makes you want to shut down? _

Trying her best to block the random questions that popped into her head, Cuddy reached out and grabbed his hand.

"No one knows what's wrong with your team's patient."

House was vaguely paying attention to her words as she went on explaining. _She's holding my hand again._

"And?" He threw in to act like he had been paying attention.

"We need you." Cuddy sighed_. I need you there. _

House grimaced lost in thought. He knew the right thing to do would be to help the patient. His doctor's oath and all, yet he felt he should get something in return for his gesture….

Cuddy turned House's palm around so that it was flat and slipped in two Vicodin before gently closing it.

House felt the two small pills in his grasp. He was pimping for his pain. _Would you do it for two Scooby Snacks?_

Cuddy's blue eyes were nearly pleading. He couldn't take it anymore.

"Fine, just let me get dressed."

Cuddy nodded. "Hurry, please."

House who had begun to walk away held his cane up.

"I'll go as fast as I can here."

Cuddy breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank you _

House smiled to himself. _Thank you for asking me. _

_

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_

_Do you like it! I hope so. Please review! Up next: At the hospital, House nearly falls apart and Cuddy tells him a secret. _

_Just so I know: How many of you would like to see Cuddy and House go further? If so it may go into the mature section soon. If not, I can dance with them and leave it with that. What do you think?_

_Thanks!_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. Also forgot to mention it in the last chapter but I don't own Scooby- Doo either. Shame really. This story contains info from various spoiler and speculations read on the internet as well as from previews and screen caps for future episodes. _

The drive to the hospital may have only taken minutes, but to House it seemed like an eternity. The silence was deafening to his sensitive ears. The lights were unusually bright as he tried to blink away the pain behind his blue eyes. He noticed Cuddy looking at him from the corner of her eye.

"Are you OK. House?"

Greg nodded. Maybe the Vicodin being reintroduced into his system was what was causing these…. feelings_. Act relaxed. _

"I'm fine." Every syllable felt as if it were stretched too thin. "Just have a headache that's all."

Cuddy eyed him not quite sure if she should believe him or not.

House closed his weary eyes. The past two days have been a roller coaster of emotions. Here he was on his way back to the hospital after being away for a week. He looked at the building's gleaming lights quickly shielding them from his eyes. He suddenly began to feel very nauseous_. Bad Vicodin…_

House limped on in a clumsy fashion through the glass doors to the hospital trying his best to avert the poison darts being shot his way.

"Back, back I say evil doers", he moaned making a curse hexwith his fingers. Cuddy rolled her eyes while gently tugging him along.

_She really likes touching me tonight. _House and Cuddy board the elevator. Cuddy looks over to her kidnapped patient. _God, he looks like shit. _

"House," His eyes were closed and looked as if he were about to vomit. "House? "

Greg looked in her direction. Eyes barely opened_. God help me, Lisa. _

Cuddy held out an arm to steady him from hitting his head against the elevator doors. _Maybe I should've left him home._

_Maybe I should've just stayed home. _House breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the brisk air hit his face. Cool, sweet air. He thought he was going to drown in that elevator. _Drown? How would you drown? Drown in yourself….maybe._

House and Cuddy inched along at a snail's pace until they got to the board room and Greg's office. His team sat watching him and waiting for him to discuss the events that lay before them. They were waiting on him to save a man's life.

House opened his eyes to meet the faces of his fallen. They looked weary to the bone, stretched out beyond their own limits and capability. _Have I taught you nothing? _

"What's the problem?" All three of them took turns ranting on about blood. _Head hurts_. Something about vomiting. _Feeling dizzy_. Pain in the abdomen? _God, my fucking leg hurts._

Déjà vu began to hit House at the most inopportune moment. He carefully licked his lips trying to block out the familiar sensations. He felt their eyes on him. _Always on him. Watching him. _

He released the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding for so long.

"Have you tried his pancreas?"

Several pairs of eyes flitted around gazing at one another.

"Have I just spoken a foreign language?" House reiterated strongly pronouncing each word.

"Check it. You should find your problem there. I'm going home."

Cuddy followed his lithe frame as he made his way to the stairwell. She watched him in silence as he opened the door.

_Steps? Why steps? _

Cuddy pushed the door opened. What she saw caused her heart to ache. House sat on the steps shaking slightly while clutching a bottle of something. Cuddy hoped it was the Vicodin, but she had given him the pills out right with no bottle. _Please don't tell me you're taking something else too…please House. _

She moved quietly afraid to disturb the strange reverie he was in. His eyes were still closed as the light shone down upon his tan jacket causing an eerie glow to surround him.

"House?" House opened his eyes bewildered by her presence. _How did he not hear me coming? _

Cuddy stared at the bottle. What did that say she wondered? Whatever it was it was clearly not Vicodin.

"What's that?" Cuddy gestured toward the orange colored bottle.

House took a look at it. He seemed to be seeing it for the first time.

"Don't know. I swiped it from Wilson's desk. I needed something…"

_The Vicodin is killing me_.

He hung his head in shame.

Cuddy remained silent. _He feels shame._

"Maybe you should move in this direction so the cameras can't see you."

House looked up at her his beautiful blue eyes in a haze.

"I'm not going to ask why you know that." He inched over out of the camera's range.

"Do you need more Vicodin?"

House was motionless as he opened his palm holding the two shiny white pills. They must have been in his hand for awhile for the white coating was plastered all over his sweaty palm.

"It's not working."

Cuddy's eyes teared. _Damn weakness._ She dabbed at her eyes.

House saw the look in her beautiful blue eyes. _Damn weakness_. He placed the little orange bottle on the ground and swallowed the Vicodin dry. _God help me…._

Cuddy tried to smile but it fell almost as quickly as it had come.

House tried to return the smile but found that none came her way. That's when he noticed her carrying a manila envelope. _Manila envelope only means one thing to me.…_

"Is that for me to look at?" He said reaching up to grab it. Cuddy began to protest but she was too late.

He opened it to see what loser donor she had picked out this time. As he began reading over the file, he found himself actually liking this one. _Maybe for once she didn't pick a loser. _

That's when it hit him_. Oh God… _

"Is this a joke?"

Cuddy's face fell. _I thought that you wanted this as much as I did. _

House saw her expression and his eyes softened a bit.

"I mean…why me?"

Cuddy grinned.

"Why not?"

House put down the manila folder.

"We need to talk."

_Hope you all liked. Please keep sending the wonderful reviews this way. You guys are so awesome! I will probably be moving into the mature section or the next chapter so you all know. I will also be telling you when the updates come on my myspace account at_ so you will all be informed if the alerts don't work. Check it out and thanks again!

LOOK FOR THIS IN MATURE !


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. Story contains various spoilers past and future (I forgot to mention before from Television Without Pity House forum-thanks guys-I know how many of you feel about fanfic but I hope I do it justice somewhat) and future episodes as well as my own ideas for Cuddy and House. (Wiggles eyebrows seductively)._

_Why me?_

House sat in his bath tub floating along with the rippling waves of the water. He looked down at his penis glaring at it as if it had betrayed him. _She only wants you._

He began to pull and tug on his member causing himself more pain than pleasure. _Why does she even want you anyway?_

House sighed. He ran a slightly shaking hand through his wiry hair before reaching up to drink his warm scotch_. God, I am pathetic._

He stood up only to look briefly in the mirror. He hated his own reflection. It wasn't truth. It was a mix of confusion and sickness brought on by addiction and self loathing. _Even my image lies. _

With a heavy heart in anticipation of the evening's affairs, he decided that withering away to the size of a peach wouldn't help anyone.

He took one last look at his penis.

"If you were no bigger than a grape maybe she would leave me alone." _Maybe, but hopefully not. _

House went to get ready. He felt for some reason that he should be dressed for this occasion, but there was no reason for it. Cuddy had seen him at his best (diagnostic wise) and at his worst which was pretty much everyday anymore and yet she still asked him. _Maybe because there was no one left. Maybe she made a chart on me to make me appear interested knowing I would look in the envelope and then say ah-ha knowing now that I was stuck. How do I get out of this one?_

House thought the more appropriate line of questioning his brain should follow was did he really want to get out of this?

House finished dressing and kept one vigil eye on the clock. It was nearing 7pm. She should be here by now. Probably got stuck at the hospital again. Never be able to do that with a little rugrat nipping on her toes. The image of that actually amused him. He continued to drink sensing the clear sensation of the room spinning. _Maybe I am drunk. Cool._

The door began to resonate loudly. House tilted his head toward its direction but not entirely sure if the sound was real. The alcohol was affecting him more than he thought it would. Probably because the last time he ate was…wait he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. He took another look at his glass now very empty. _Damn this is good stuff. _

House limped over to the sound to see if it was possibly Cuddy. He had enough to drink to be able to handle this now. _I think so anyway. _

He slowly opened the door. She was dressed simply but looked so beautiful. His eyes widened in her direction. Cuddy noticed how could she not? God, this would be a lot harder than he originally thought. Here this beautiful woman wants to have his baby…well in the clinical sense. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…

"Are you going to let me in or should I try to extract your sperm using this hair pin I found in the hallway?"

_Ouch._

House stepped back to allow the she-devil to pass. _Fucking hot, she-devil. Way too much to drink...well maybe not. I would think this anyway_.

Cuddy sat down resuming her previous position on House's couch. He gulped but hoped she didn't see that. God this was nerve wracking. Let's just cut to the chase.

"So what is it you want from me? A few hundred sexy Gregs roaming around your coochie?" _That didn't come out at all like I planned. _

Cuddy's jaw dropped slightly before resuming her position of authority.

"I think we have more important things to discuss than your sperm. " Her voice lowered. "Why did you cut yourself?"

House dropped his gaze. He didn't want her to see his eyes. He tried to speak but couldn't.

"Is it the same situation as with your finger smashing incident a couple of years ago?"

House nodded remembering when he had detoxed several years ago to escape clinic duty. _Thank God I don't have to go into that. _

As if suddenly becoming a mind reader was added to her list of villainous activities, she continued her line of questioning.

"Oh no, you don't get off that easily."

House's blue eyes twinkled and with a boyish grin replied. "Yeah, I do."

Cuddy ignored the sexual reference.

"What I mean is that…I was here for you… why didn't you just talk to me?"

House's brows furrowed.

"Hmm. talking…not a good thing for me."

Cuddy stood up and began to walk in his direction. _Oh no. She's going to touch me again. Bad move. _

Her hand reached out to gently squeeze his arm. House swallowed hard. _That's not the only thing hard in here._

"Contrary to popular belief…"she paused, "I do like you and care for you. I don't want to see you injured or injuring yourself. No one should have to go through that."

House kept his blue eyes steady on her.

"Maybe some people do." _Why did I just say that? Is it the alcohol talking or do I really want to tell her…things. God, why do I keep opening my mouth?_

"Why would you say something like that? You're a brilliant doctor. Do you have any idea how many lives would be..."

"Blah, blah, blah…now can we start the sex?" He said with a suggestive leer on his face.

Cuddy dropped her hand. "Can't you for once, be honest with someone? Honest with yourself at least."

His eyes looked wounded, childlike, and even innocent. _What door have I opened_?

"Maybe we should have this discussion another night."

He wasn't getting out of this that easily.

"No, we're having it now."

He looks like he wants to talk, but something's stopping him. _Embarrassment? I have never known House to be embarrassed. Maybe the alcohol is severely affecting his_ _judgment. Maybe the alcohol like the pills helps him to feel…something. anything... even though all of these years he has declared otherwise. Absence of pain, but not emotion…_

House looked deeply into her eyes_. Why is she looking at me that way? This is a nightmare I don't want to have to live through again. Then again…maybe its time….she has asked you to be the father of her child. Maybe telling her will actually get her off of your back. Knowing how damaged you are would suggest instability (more than she already knows) in you. Maybe…maybe not._

"I hate my father." House stated matter of fact as he inched along the floor to find a seat on the already warm couch left from Cuddy. She resumed a position next to him as well.

Cuddy nodded urging him on, but he stopped there.

"So, I don't always agree with my parents either, but…"

House shook his finger at her. "No, I said hate. Hate is very different from 'my mommy hurt my feelings when I was twelve.' Hate is much stronger, deeper emotion…" His eyes grew distant. "Even though as a species we are morons and do stupid, irrevocable things, few people in the world can truly hate another." He looked up into her blue eyes. "Unless the reason is good enough."

Cuddy's eyes widened. _She doesn't understand and I am not about to discuss it. _

"What can I say I was a stupid kid. Remember that, if you want my sperm, you too will have a stupid, ungrateful child."

Cuddy's eyes once widened in hope of his opening up were now left moist but she didn't let a single tear fall. House breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank God because I don't think I could handle it right now._

"What could have happened to you that caused so much…hatred?"

House looked away.

"When you torment a puppy long enough it learns to expect it. In its own defense, it will lash out first as a way to protect itself against further torment. It knows its coming, hates it, but hates the fact that it feels helpless and weak, only knowing how to destroy, not create."

Cuddy's unwavering look as a single tear fell from her beautiful eyes caused House more heartache than he had felt since he was a teenager. _Me and my damn metaphors. Can't even tell her what happened. _

"Are you trying to tell me that your father abused you in some way as an excuse to bail out on me? Or is this your way of defending your nature of being an asshole?

House waved his hand casually in the air with a phish sound.

"Nah, I was always an asshole. I just continued to be an asshole after certain situations occurred. Certain experiences don't create assholes like me, but those situations mar the individual's existence and only continue to breed self loathing and contempt."

"Are you afraid that you will become like your father?"

House's eyes burned. "I am my father."

Their eyes met in silence.

"Just because you and your father may have some similarities doesn't mean you are like him. Everything you touch doesn't die. You do create wonderful miracles, more than you will ever know." Cuddy paused, "You deserve love as much as anyone."

House's eyes grew hopeful. Stacy's words tore into his heart. _Why don't you think you are worthy enough to be saved? _

He answered his own question out loud. "No."

Cuddy knew she had lost. There was no way to convince him he would make a good donor let alone a father. She had lost. With a heavy sigh, Cuddy went to gather her things from the couch. She stood up leaving Greg House to sit alone as he poured himself another drink.

"You're wrong you know."

House ignored her continuing to wallow in self pity.

"You are loved."

With that said, she headed for the door only to be stopped by the thump of a wooden cane blocking her exit. Cuddy turned to face him. His eyes were so bright_. Maybe I got through to him. _

House gazed back at her while pushing a strain of brown hair behind her ear. _Maybe someone understands me….maybe a little piece of her does know me or wants to_.

"How do you feel about me?"

House was thrown off by her remark. _There are no words to describe it._

He kissed her.

_Hope you like it. I tried to remain in character for the most part. The spoilers for future episodes are great. House spoiler that he was abused by his father seems interesting. Please review and let me know what you think. Sorry not too much sex stuff in this one. _

_Up next: Will they do it? _

_Sorry I had to lead into it without sounding like a plot less porn story. _


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own House nor the Game Boy he plays.

House pulled back after a brief kiss with Cuddy. Her eyes were still closed as if savoring his taste, sweet like chocolate but not quite fulfilling. When her eyes opened, she was left staring into the face of Gregory House who kept his eyes glued to the floor.

_Why did he do that?_ Cuddy had no explanation for House's behavior because she doubted that he knew the cause of his recent action. She touched her crimson lips flushed with passion.

House finally looked at her with a pained look. _Please accept me. _

Cuddy reached out to brush his cheeks, her silk hands brushing the finely chiseled stubble. House brought his eyes to hers and stepped in closer for a second kiss...

"No commitment."

_What?_ Her words stung him. What does that mean_? I want a baby with you, but_ _nothing more?_ House glanced down at his crotch. _She really only **does** want you. _

Cuddy gazed into House's blue eyes keeping her eyes firmly focused on his. _I don't mean it. I just can't go through another experience like last time…another one night stand with me left picking up the pieces alone…. _

House stared back. His gaze looked past her.

"Fine."

_Did I just say that? I don't mean that…but I …I don't know what to think. _

Cuddy nodded.

"So we are in agreement."

House shrugged his shoulders.

"Sure, whatever, as long as I get sex."

_Bitter. He's bitter and hurt…well he is always bitter. It might not be me at all. _

Cuddy and House walked off toward the bedroom.

-----------------------------------------------

Cuddy sat down on House's pale blue sheets. _Too much blue I could drown in this ocean….am I ready?_

House watched her with an eager lust teetering on the verge. Cuddy could tell. She had seen that look before so many years ago. A stupid one night stand, a battered friendship, which led to this. _What do you call this anyway? A mutual understanding perhaps. _

Cuddy slowly removed her blouse painstakingly button by button. House licked his lips. A part of what he said was true: he did want the sex. Another part of it was a complete lie. He did want her just Cuddy anyway he could. _I have always wanted you. A stupid, stupid mistake cost me. I am an asshole after all._

Her breasts were free now. In his reverie, House seemed to have missed her removing her bra. Cuddy's eyes wouldn't _couldn't?_ even look at him. Cuddy stood up slowly without thought rubbed her naked breasts firmly in small circles. House felt his member become erect_. Not that I wasn't before_. He could feel it ready to burst forth from the fire that dwelled within, but yet he remained stoic_. She has to make the first move. I will not be just her needle. _

Her skirt slipped around her small ankles. House followed the fall with an intense possession_. God, this is driving me crazy_. _When was the last time I had unprotected sex…hmmm….years? Remember she makes the first move._

Cuddy paused_. I am completely naked before him in more ways than one. Yet he makes no motion to come to me. Does he not desire me even a little bit anymore?_ Cuddy kicked her skirt off to the side. She saw House lick his lips intently. Cuddy smiled. _He does want me._

The two waited. Should he just strip or wait….His questions were answered when Cuddy came over to him and began to unbutton his jeans. _She can feel me. I don't want her to have the control. _

House gripped Cuddy's hand with a force even he wasn't aware he had. Cuddy's brow furrowed. He let her go and continued to unbutton his own pants and slide his shirt off. Cuddy understood. _No commitment_.

House tossed his clothes to the other side of the room. Both stood before the other…waiting. No one moved. Cuddy tried to keep her eyes on House's face but a part of her kept gazing to his hard member. She sighed. _I guess it's up to me._

Cuddy gently grabbed House's arm and pulled him closer to the sheets. She paused for a moment before reaching over to the nightstand where she had placed Vicodin before she had undressed.

She held up the bottle rattling it, beckoning House…

"Do you want some? I mean …I don't want you to be in pain…"

House smirked. _You don't want the needle to break. _

"No, I want to enjoy this glorious moment completely of sound mind and only partially sound body." _Besides I am high on Oxycodon right now_.

House sat down on the bed next to her. This was extremely slow and if something didn't happen fast he was about to take matters in his own hand…_the right one preferably._

Cuddy reached over to put him on top of her. He carefully fixed himself on her to where his leg was comfortable. He didn't know if he should push on though so he decided to torture her for a moment as non committal as possible.

House placed his lips gently around her nipples sweetly encasing them with little nibbles and licks. He could feel her breath quicken and a small push on his back to bring him closer to her. House blew cool air on her wet breasts causing a low moan to rise beneath the sheets. He continued his kisses along to her navel. He placed a warm hand on her pubic hair and began tickling it softly with his two fingers. Cuddy's eyes brightened as her gaze met his. House had no expression. He found her clit and began to massage it in small circles building pressure within. Cuddy was starting to moan consistently matching the waves of pleasure she felt coursing through her being. House was even beginning to find his "experiment" was going awry. His penis was started to pulsate from her reaction_. Not yet, big guy._

Cuddy felt differently. She reached over to pull him directly on top. House felt it. It was a moment….not sexual…similar as before…but different.

"Greg…"

_Don't you dare_. House buried his head in her hair fighting the urge to kiss her. Cuddy bit her lower lip and fought back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her. House slid his warm member into her. Cuddy tightened her grip on his back. She felt like crying. Not because of pain…just because. Maybe her dream of a child would come true….maybe.

House pushed harder and harder resisting the longing he had to mate his lips with hers.

The intensity was too much to bear. House could feel his body begin to explode and his lips made their way to little kisses on her neck. Cuddy gripped him tighter. _Just a little more House…I am there too…_

. House dropped sweaty and fulfilled leaving Cuddy struggling to manage her gasps.

"God that was good." House said as he rolled onto his back. He reached over to the nightstand and turned on his Game boy.

Cuddy, panting and confused, merely stared.

"What?"

_Is he really that oblivious? _

"Do you think…Ah…could you…"

He wasn't making this easy.

"What? Unfulfilled are we? Sorry, no commitment guy here. Why don't you help yourself with your ten fingers? Oh, and be sure to leave the cash on the table near the door." _I am not going to look at her…crying and moping_. _She wants no commitment then that's what she gets. I don't make my whores cum. That's not what I pay them for._

Cuddy stood up blinking back salty tears and began to dress.

"You know you really should lie down for several minutes to help…"

"I would prefer to be out of here as quickly as possible," was her reply.

_Fine_. "Hey, I'm just doing what you asked."

Her words were sharp. "I didn't ask you to be and ass."

She stormed off to the living room before opening the door.

"Remember," House called from the bedroom, "No commitment guy here for you."

Cuddy slammed the door shut.

_Damn._ House threw his Gameboy against the wall watching it shatter into pieces. _The needle has broken. _

_Hope you guys liked it. Sorry I took so long to update. This is my holiday present to you all. Please review! I tried to allow them to have sex while keeping them in character which is not easy. I hope I pulled it off somewhat. _

_Next up: Spoilers continue what happens to House after he OD's in Merry Little Christmas? Tritter perhaps….?_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. Spoilers are mentioned through season three (thanks to Television Without Pity Forum spoilers._

House couldn't remember how he had gotten to the hospital. Everything seemed like a blur. He remembered speaking to a patient's mother who accused him of being high. _No shit. Everyone was higher than she was._

He had walked through the halls and passed the cafeteria. He remembered Cuddy offering him Vicodin when she came begging for an answer to her patient's formerly_ my_ _patient's _case but he refused. He didn't even know why she wanted to see him again after the other day let alone help him. No matter. He had a better drug now: Oxycodone. _Damn good stuff. Maybe too good. _

Hell, he even turned down an evening with Wilson. _Mother fucker. He thought he was better than the Oxy. Fool. _ House did prefer pills over people, well most people.

After getting home, barely, and making his way up the steps to his place, he plopped down on the couch. He took out his little bottle of misery and madness and placed it carefully on the table trying desperately to tear his gaze off of it. House sighed deeply before picking up the phone. He picked up the meds again and twirled them in between his fingers.

"Yeah, hi Mom, it's me. I guess you're up at Aunt Sarah's now…" The words cam out but House felt as if he wasn't the one speaking them. _What the hell am I doing? I am_ _actually calling her for Christmas. Never did before. Maybe because_… He stopped and hung up the phone relinquishing his strength to the orange bottle in his shaking hand.

Wilson kept banging on the door but there was still no answer_. God damn him. All he has to do is yell at me and I know he's OK. _

"House, I know you're in there."

No response. _It's time to use my key. _

Wilson opened the door and felt his heart skip a beat. _House was dead. Oh my God, he's dead….._

He raced over to check his pulse. House looked him right in the eyes_. House…._

House could only see Wilson's eyes. Nothing else was clear enough to focus on. He could feel the vomit on his face and smell it on the carpet beside him. _Wilson….I was wrong….people over pills….Wait, why is Wilson shaking his head and putting me back. No, don't leave please. _

House heard Wilson walking toward the door and heard him speaking in his phone. House wished he could smile, but he only saw the darkness.

When he awoke he was in a hospital. The rooms were set up differently than the Plainsboro one_. Secrecy. Keep me hidden._

House opened one eye feebly searching the room until he found what he was looking for. Wilson sat in a chair in the corner trying to disguise himself in the shadows, but not well enough. His shoes stuck out and House could always tell Wilson from his shoes. Neither one spoke. It was evident to House that Wilson hadn't moved, maybe even put a stop to his breathing a bit until House was OK. _Don't do it for me….I will never be OK…_

"You are a goddamn idiot."

House said nothing in response even though there were a million things to say.

Wilson stood up slowly and walked over to the edge of the bed. He didn't need to say anything. House could see the disappointed on his warm face. House didn't want to look in Wilson's eyes anymore. _First Cuddy and now Wilson…maybe both for a long_ _time…_ While it was often easy to disappoint Wilson, the feeling that accompanied that action was often one that lingered past it's time_. Maybe it is past my time…maybe not. _

"Here."

House was forced to look back up at Wilson who was holding out a syringe. He pumped the air out and slid it over to House's hand. _Morphine?_

House's eyes were questioning and full of sorrow.

_Sorrow? I have never seen that before_. Wilson shook his head. _Couldn't be. Another trick. House was great at tricks…_ _House held onto the needle. He's going_ _to take it without even questioning what's in_ _it. _Wilson gripped the needle tighter. House's eyes were so blue…begging….for forgiveness? Mercy?

"It's morphine."

House's eyes understood.

"Enough to kill an elephant."

House's blue eyes widened just a bit to reflect this knowledge. Wilson kept his grip on the needle allowing the decision House was about to make to seep in. _House please don't take this…it is a test… _

House swallowed. His hollow eyes turned from his friend's and tore the needle with full force from Wilson's sweaty palm. House looked in Wilson's sad eyes without a word being said. House then lowered his shamefully. _I have failed…._

Wilson felt his own eyes welling up as he walked out of the door never once turning back.

House sat motionless on the bed his hand tightly wound around the needle. He looked at it briefly before placing it gently on the bed and rubbing his tired eyes. _What have I_ _done?_ He kept his face covered not even allowing himself to see the tears flowing.

House was discharged hours later. His stomach was pumped free and staying in this deathtrap only made him long for death more. He checked himself out against the advice from his doctor. The guy's a moron. _Probably still in the Pee Wee Leagues…_

House limped out into the hallway with a small bag of belongings under his arm. He held the needle in his hand one last time and sighed deeply before dropping it into the biohazard waste container.

"Nice to see you among the living."

House turned toward the direction of the voice. _Wilson? _

Quick wit remarks are the best way to keep his emotions at bay.

"Elephants, huh? What have you got against elephants?"

Wilson smiled. House found himself returning the smile briefly before it faded into nothing.

"I choose people."

Wilson nodded. He understood what that meant and knew what would come next.

_Sorry no Tritter in this one. I thought he would make an appearance, but next chapter he will. Please review! I love it and it makes me write a lot faster….._

_Up next: Tritter faces House. Cuddy finds out what happens and tries to talk to him….what will happen between those two? _


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. _

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House stood in front of Cuddy's door daring himself to knock on it. _I can't…what the hell is wrong with me? _

Breathing a heavy sigh, he found the strength to knock. It took a while for an answer which was expected. What was it 1 or 2 am? Cuddy was looking out the peephole, House could tell. He smiled when he heard the door unlock.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Hello to you too, Sunshine."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. _I am not awake enough to play these games. _

"You're right. Sunshine being the appropriate word. The sun will be shining in just a few hours. I would like to enjoy the darkness a bit longer before…"

"Tritter took away the deal."

Cuddy stopped speaking mid sentence.

"What?" _Why would he…_

With eyes shut tightly, House continued.

"He ….found out that I stole Oxy from Wilson's dead guy."

_Here comes the yelling…screaming…any other loud sound that woman can conjure up._

_Wait…silence_…Opening one eye House bravely looked over at her. Cuddy's eyes were simply filled with unshed tears.

House's gaze went immediately to the twinkling stars above him. "What, no warm welcome scream, shriek, whatever. I am feeling unloved here."

Cuddy closed her eyes and was about to close the door.

House put his cane up in between the door's frame and her. Cuddy barely fought. _Maybe she's just tired…maybe it's her giving up on me._

"I didn't come here to make you feel like crap. I came here to warn you that I won't be making that Christmas dinner you usually have. Wait, that's not you, that's Cameron. Either way…I may be going away for a long time." His voice softened. _Please help me. I need help._

Cuddy nodded and closed the door. House reached up a tentative hand before making fist. He turned angrily toward the siding and smashed it with all the strength he could muster in that late hour.

Cuddy could hear him. She allowed her tears to fall. _What am I going to do?_

Suddenly, there was silence from outside her door. She crept closer to the door before hesitantly opening it. She didn't' know what she expected to see, but whatever it was, the scene before her was definitely not the one she imagined.

House lay with one leg outstretched gasping for air as he gripped his throbbing leg. He was trying to block out the pain anyway he knew how. Cuddy hadn't seen him like this since just after the infarction. _God, House_…

"I …don't …have…any...pills…."

He said between strained gasps of breath. _I would have but I swallowed them all_. _I think I am dying…._

Cuddy went over to him and offered to help him up. House clumsily stood up teetering from side to side.

"I feel nauseous…" he whispered softly.

Cuddy patted his hand and led him without a word into her house.

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Cuddy had a spare bedroom in which House slept. _If you wanted to call it sleeping_ _anyway._ Cuddy watched him from the doorway. His breathing was ragged and he was lying in sweat soaked sheets. House had begun moaning and twisting in agony. Cuddy shut her eyes but could not block out the images. She quietly crept into the room. The only light reflecting the area came from the whisper of white curtains pulled open to allow the moonlight in leaving an eerie glow on her guest.

Cuddy stared at his face, torn into fragments written so clearly on his features. They were etched, chiseled though ever changing with every expression of pain. She couldn't bear it any longer.

"House?" _I wonder if he can hear me in his nightmares_

His features softened slightly as she continued to gently arouse him from sleep. His blue eyes gazed into hers not completely comprehending his situation.

"Cuddy."

_One word. He said one word, but his eyes, beautiful and blue, say so much more_

"I'm here. Do you want the Vicodin now?"

House shook his head yes the best that he could. Cuddy nodded. She didn't know why he had denied himself the Vicodin earlier Not_ like House…. _

Cuddy passed the pills over to him as he clumsily swallowed them dry. _He isn't fully awake. _

House's face realized a bit more of his surroundings, but the effects of detoxing plus what had happened to him earlier in the evening had taken its toll. House clutched the sheets gritting his teeth trying to break off the scream that tried to emerge. Cuddy reached out and held his hand out of instinct._ I just squeezed his hand_.

House's quick jerks were becoming more aggravated. Cuddy didn't let go_. He's squeezing back. _

"Don't …let…go…please…"

His voice could barely be heard. _Maybe it wasn't meant to be heard. _

Cuddy's features winced and felt every bit of pain he felt. _I have become his ghost, his shadow. _

House's eyes were wide open. He looked directly into hers when he spoke these words.

"I overdosed on Oxy tonight."

Cuddy face reflected her confusion at his confession. _Overdose? What…. _

"I came …by here …from the …hospital…" he managed to get out. "Wilson dropped me off."

Cuddy remembered. _Come to think of it, I didn't see his bike out front._

Her eyes seemed lost as House searched for anger…sadness…anything in them Cuddy was lost in thought. _That's why he didn't take the Vicodin earlier…fear…._

"I…" House tried to finish, "I…." Cuddy saw the trouble he was having. _Please I can't take it anymore._

She placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. His blue eyes closed at her welcomed touch. With one swift finger to her lips she silenced his inner demons. By curling up beside him, she released him into sleep. _I won't leave… I promise…_

"I promise."

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_Sorry so long to update. I hope you all like. Please review! Reviews do help me write faster. Thank you!_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. Spoilers indicated._

House felt his stomach contents lurch forward for what was it the fifth time now_God, I can't even count anymore. When the hell did I get a pink toilet bowel?_

House ran his hands over the cool porcelain. _Damn, Cuddy's house._

House let his head face the chunks floating in the toilet beckoning him to add more to the party. _Swim alone gentlemen. There is nothing left in me. _

"Feeling any better?"

Her voice struck a nerve and once again he threw up_. Maybe I was wrong boys. Party on!_

House kept his eyes away from hers wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve.

"What's left of me is feeling just swell."

Cuddy ignored the sarcasm waiting for him to say something… anything. Possibly something about what he said last night…._don't leave me_….the words echoed in her head.

Knowing House, he said it to get something in return. _Vicodin perhaps…wishing it were me instead. Why would it be? I told him no commitment after I told him I cared for him. _Cuddy recalled another conversation not so long ago_. You can only keep kicking the puppy so long until that's what it expects…_

House sighed finally meeting her eyes in sheer determination. _Determined to beg._

"I need…something for the nausea…"

Cuddy folded her arms over her chest trying to stand firm.

"I am not your bosom buddy. Why don't you ask Wilson? Oh….that's right after you stole his prescription pad he probably assumed you could write it yourself…"

House interjected her rant. "I did ask him. He …turned me down." His voice grew low. "He said I could find it in rehab".

His blue eyes were wide with…_fear….pleading…forgiveness even?_

"I am going…to rehab. You are more than welcome to drive me in if you want, but I need something now." He could feel the room spinning again _God, I can't keep vomiting. I will fade in the distant. Like you always wanted, huh, Greg?_

Cuddy shook her head before pulling out a pill. House's eyes grew hopeful. _It's yellow and round…yahoo! Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner…_

House reached out a shaky hand to grasp it nearly missing its hold. He nodded with his usual snark.

"Bottoms up or in my case face up."

He swallowed it. Swallowed it like he does everyday swallowing pills. This time was different though. He began to cough. _House never coughs_….

Cuddy crouched down gripping his back to refrain him from falling over. _He looks like_ _he is having trouble breathing_. Cuddy passed him a glass of water she had with her in case he would need it although not expecting it at all. House grasped it and swallowed it in one gulp. _Feel like I can't breathe_…_can't swallow right…_ Most of it came back up dribbling down his chin but finally ceasing the coughing spell that had overwhelmed him. House sat back on the floor his head resting against the bathroom's door frame.

"What the hell was that House?"

House looked into her concerned eyes demanding to know an answer. _New symptom_ …._trouble swallowing_…_Don't worry Cuddy;_ _I am demanding to know an answer too._

_Sorry so short. Hope you all like. What do you think its wrong with House _

_(Besides the obvious?) Please review! You guys are awesome. I go to bed happy after reading them_

_Thanks!_


	14. Chapter 14

Fumble unto Me

Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own House. Story contains spoilers from past episodes including season three as well as ones to come!

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"Hold still will ya? Geez, trust me this hurts me a lot more than it hurts you." House sighed. _It isn't a lie. For once it is the truth. Having a patient help me draw my blood was not what I planned on doing this morning but it sure beats treating her. On the down side, I now owe Cuddy 10 bucks… then again this doesn't rally count does it?_

"Why can't you get someone else to do this again?"

House looked at the woman's eyes. She was squinting as if being awake was a terrible burden for her. _God how pathetic!_

"I told you because if anyone finds out I am dying there would be total chaos!"

The woman's eyes opened a bit wider.

"Dying? But you said it was just a routine blood test…"

She grew silent.

House grinned. _She's afraid now._

The woman backed away from House's stooping form just a bit.

"What do you have anyway?"

House's mischievous blue eyes met hers with a nasty glint.

"I don't know…might be AIDS, might be some other disease transmitted through the blood…there are so many…Oh my God, did I get blood on you?"

The woman let go of the tourniquet and stood up inspecting her hands for blood.

"You're fine." House interrupted her train of thought as he capped the vial of blood.

"You have OCD." He looked up at he woman who still hadn't heard a word he had said. _God, now she going to hyperventilate_….

"You're fine. Go…be gone…You have been cured…go walk among the living. "

The woman didn't quite know what to do but once House tried to give her a push she darted out almost as quickly as she had entered.

House slapped on the latex. _One down…_he paused_, One down…one is good. I need to take a break now. I mean I have been through a lot in the past few weeks. I had to deal with Tritter and his shit. God what an asshole! _

_Then there was the whole ODing and all. Couldn't forget that. _House cringed at the thought. Over dosing _…what the fuck was I thinking_? Then again, House looked at the tube of blood in his hands and thought of Eve…_Eve…_Maybe he should have died.

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House poked his head out of the clinic exam room about quarter after three. Another fantastic episode of General Hospital had just finished and now it was his turn to escape. Seeing that the coast was clear, House smirked to himself before slinking out.

"Where the hell have you been and what the hell have you been doing?"

_Damn. _

House spun around the best that he could using his cane to protect his stance_. I am ready to attack… _

"Why I was doing what you asked me to…" _Stalling_…"Clinic hours."

Cuddy frowned. Something in House's heart ached at the sight. _Always so disappointed in me… who isn't? I am disappointed in myself._

"Being in the clinic and doing clinic hours are two very different things." Her words blurred together like a soft breeze_… God why do I keep thinking about sex with her? Not a good time._

House altered his position a bit. _Slight movements are good…nothing too noticeable… _

Cuddy saw him flinch and change his stance.

_Oh God she noticed_….House looked up at the ceiling feigning boredom. _Not too much of a stretch …_

"Does your leg hurt?"

House's blue eyes looked slightly amused.

"Gee, Dr. Cuddy I know that sex with me is mind blowing" louder_ now Greg_, "but did you lose all of your brain cells in your personal explosion?"

Cuddy's eyes flared and she grabbed his arm.

House grinned. _Anything to get you to touch me._

"Shut up. " Her anger however faded to concern.

House attempted to keep up the façade of not giving a crap, but found it difficult when her eyes …_her eyes_ …always said so much more. _They say what I want to hear but never will….I do like you Greg…._

Cuddy's voice softened to a point where House could barely hear it.

"Are you on Vicodin?"

House looked at her and laughed out loud.

"God no, why would I be on painkillers when …there is no pain…oh wait a minute…oh there it is."

Cuddy sighed and followed him as he began to limp off.

"I'm serious. You told me…"

House interrupted his light spirits fading rapidly to anger. "I told you nothing. I promised you nothing. You were the one who perjured yourself on the stand."

Cuddy noticed how low his voice got at that point. _He is actually concerned …trying to protect me so others won't know…._

Cuddy stumbled trying to find the proper words to retaliate but couldn't find any. _He was right_. House continued to walk away.

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When he reached his office and made sure he got rid of the youngins, did he breathe a sigh of relief. He actually wasn't taken Vicodin. He hadn't in several weeks. Once shortly after his stint in rehab, he popped a breath mint in front of Cuddy. She was outraged immediately assuming the worst. So why not go along with it? _No one believes you anyway. Even you lie…._

_For once I was telling the truth. _

While Vicodin had been held as a sort of erotic fantasy, Whiskey and Scotch were the closet dwellers of choice.

House reached over and grabbed a small flask out of the medical book on Lupus where his once beloved Vicodin was stored. _Oh my little V I miss you so_…. And took a swig. He knew what would happen. Although he secretly hoped he was wrong. As if on cue, _God I love the dramatics_….he began to cough and found it difficult to swallow. The liquor came flooding out more onto the desk smearing his case file he was suppose to be concentrating on. Whatever alcohol made its way down his esophagus burned…a gentle sweet burn…a familiar burn_….a good pain_…

House sighed as he sat down wearily. He whipped out the small vial and placed it on the desk. What was the point in testing it now? He already knew the answer. His liver was failing.

_Did you like it? If so please review or if not that is OK too. I am trying to keep this story coinciding with this season, but some chapters may occur in different orders. A lot of this is based on spoilers of what is to come this season. _

_Up next: Will House keep it a secret or will everyone find out the truth? _


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own House. Based on spoilers and speculations. Thank you to TWOP!

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House stood as straight as he could to allow the warm, soothing water to rush over his aching muscles. As the water hit his face, House looked down toward the bottom of the tub. _Shit._ He knew he had liver failure, and now it appeared his ankles knew it too. _Even really cool sneakers couldn't disguise this. _House sighed at the jaundice he saw quite visibly on his ankles. His face was showing signs of it but not as great. _Not yet. Soon the world will know._

His blood test confirmed it. _Hell, Cameron_ _even knew something was up. Her little "oh kiss me trick"… I_ _nearly fell for it too…What am I saying? I did_. House lifted his head straight up opening his blue eyes wide. _I can't remember the last time someone kissed me besides that kiss with Cuddy. Dumbass…God, I love kissing…I would've done it a million times over with Cuddy too…if only….she said …but no matter she doesn't want a commitment…With me anyhow_.

House shut off the water. _On the other hand Cuddy's "date" seems to have whatever she wants. Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all._

House got out of the shower and began to dry off when a searing pain in his side shot through him.

"Oh God, "he moaned_. Liver failure sucks._

As House gripped a white towel around his weary body, he heard a knock on his door. House closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Whoever it was would be getting a surprise._ House wrapped the towel around him and limped toward the sound coming from the other side of the door.

He gazed through the peephole and licked his lips. _This could be interesting…_He unlocked the door careful to allow a bit of the firmly gathered towel to falter. Cuddy noticed, her tongue sliding over lips subconsciously as she pushed a curl away from her crimson cheeks.

"You're late. I'm not paying for a full hour."

Cuddy glared. _He has to ruin a good feeling with a degrading sexual reference…_

"Well, that's good because you didn't pay for a threesome."

House's eyebrows rose a bit when he realized Wilson was trying to hide himself behind the door. House lifted up the towel a bit. _No free show for you pal… _

"Intervention meeting is down the hall to the left."

Cuddy put up her hand to block the door before it slammed in her face.

House whined, "No fair! Only I get to do that!"

"Look, "Cuddy stated, extremely agitated, "Either you tell us what's wrong or we'll make up something, spread it around like wildfire, and leave you totally mortified."

House stifled a laugh, "Me? Mortified?" He did his best English accent, "I dare say there is nothing you can say to make me blush."

"You're impotent."

House stared at Cuddy who smiled sweetly and Wilson who shrugged but nonetheless was going along with her.

House remained stoic. _Time to refute…Is it getting hot in here?_

"I know I'm omnipotent, but gee why would that be mortifying?"

House walked away disgusted allowing his two friends to enter the apartment.

"Wilson, why didn't you just tell her? Now I'm going to have Cuddy cooties in my nice clean place."

Wilson gazed at the two day pile of pots and pans and piles of dirty laundry lying about the floor.

"There are so many things wrong with that statement that I don't know where to begin."

House glared at his friend. _Wilson…always so useless…well most of the time…now I will have to put up with the condolences… _

Cuddy looked to Wilson and back to House.

"You knew about this?"

House rolled his eyes as he pulled Cuddy further into the room.

"Of course he does. He's Wilson. Duh!"

Cuddy's eyes turned a shade bluer whether from rage or fear…House wondered and hoped maybe fear?

"You tell Wilson your secret and you don't tell me?"

House retorted with the same passion. "Why do I have to tell him you're really a man? I would think you of all people should already know that."

Cuddy grabbed House's arm causing him to loosen the grip on his towel.

"I own your ass."

House smirked. "If you own it then why do I have to keep on paying you?"

A sharp stinging sensation reached House's stubble cheek. _Owww…._

He placed a hand to his fresh hit and gazed at Cuddy's hurtful eyes. _I am still amazed at the power I have over her… _Silence. _Silence is never good_. Cuddy who was still breathing heavy, refused to meet House's eyes and found them wandering to the floor when she noticed his ankles. _Oh God, House_…

Cuddy's eyes met his. _She looks so sad. Pitying me… _

"It's your liver?"

House was about to retort with a bit of snark when an overwhelming pain in his side took over. He dropped to the floor nearly landing on his bad leg. _That would've been awkward._

Cuddy and Wilson both rushed to his side trying to help him up. House stubbornly refused.

"Abdominal pain?"

House eyes bulged. "Yeah, along with this incredible pain in my neck." Cuddy reached up to graze over the right side of his neck.

"Here?"

House pushed himself up with all of his effort.

"No, here." He said putting his hand directly on Cuddy's face as he winced. "And there," gently placing a hand where hers last touched. Cuddy tried desperately to ignore House's rants and rather concentrate on his breathing and Wilson's words.

"Have you still been having trouble swallowing?"

House picked up a glass of warm scotch left on the coffee table. As he took a swig, a small amount dribbled out.

"Yep."

Wilson grabbed the glass from House's hand shaking his head. House lowered his eyes. _God, he was even a disappointment to Wilson anymore and that_ _was saying a lot_.

House didn't bother to meet Wilson's eyes for it would betray his thoughts …_trouble swallowing, possible tumor, neurological …brain cancer_…House didn't want to think about it.

"Dysphasia." Cuddy stated matter of fact. House shrugged. "Sometimes, I don't know. It comes and goes…like the weather…like the pain in my leg…."

A warm hand found itself on House's thigh. _Close too close…._

His involuntary action didn't scare her off. _Maybe she didn't notice_…Cuddy's eyes were completely focused on him.

"We're going to do everything we can to make this right."

House wanted to believe that. _I wish…_

"You can't."

Cuddy and Wilson watched painfully as House limped toward the bedroom to get dressed.

"Now, if you'll all excuse me, I need to catheritize myself." Cuddy stood up from the coach and quickly headed in his direction.

She waited in the doorway, just waiting to see how far he would go…stripping….emotional stripping….before he realized she was there.

"I'll put on a show for you if you put on a show for me." Cuddy walked over and gently held his arm.

"No matter what I say or do, I truly do care what happens to you. I want you to know that."

House refused to look at her, carefully keeping his back to her, his eyes to the wall _least my baby blues give me away…_

Cuddy waited for a response but none came. She sighed and in taking that as her answer, started to leave. House breathed allowing three words to escape.

"I want more."

He got no response in return. He wondered if it was because she didn't hear him or that she was now a million miles away from where he wanted her to be.

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What do you think? Please review! I love to hear your thoughts. You guys are really great!


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own House. This story is based on upcoming spoilers and speculation.

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House crawled willingly into his crumpled sheets. A time for work…a time for play….House tossed trying to get comfortable. A time to live…a time to die… House opened his blue eyes. _God damn Byrd's song…._

He sighed trying to regain a pleasant position. Pleasant position…the thought entered a bringing about an uncomfortable fullness in his nether region…_Cuddy_…. House closed his eyes.

House 'e eyes flew open in response to the loud knocking on his front door. Groggy and still unable to focus clearly, he stumbled out of the bed looking frantically for his cane. _Where the hell are you?_ Giving up on it, he went to the door carefully looking through the peephole. He unlocked the door, dreading what she was about to say.

"Look, whatever you wanted to say to me, yell at me, or hit me with, can't it wait until sometime when it's not 1 am?"

Cuddy's eyes, stern and cool, said nothing but she made her way into the apartment. House eyed her carefully. _She seems different_….

Their eyes met. House couldn't find the usual snark, the timeless bantering that the two had. ._There was something else…masking it…shielding it…pity maybe?_

"What do you want?" His voice lost in a whisper.

Cuddy biting her lower lip hesitantly reached up and lovingly kissed his lips. House closed his eyes lost in the moment. Her lips broke contact and already he felt the wall returning.

"I …" she seemed at a lost. "I don't want to lose you and not have taken this chance with you again… Only doing it right this time."

House remained motionless. _She must decide what she wants. I feel myself slipping…_ Her hands reached out to take his. House embraced it cautiously, almost terrified that touching her would be the end of his solitude…something he wasn't ready to relinquish…._no man is an island they say…._Cuddy gestured only with her eyes beckoning him to follow her into the bedroom. House gripped onto her hand tightly needing the support physically and mentally…_I can't do this alone…._

Reaching the bedroom seemed to take forever even though it was only a few feet away. Cuddy turned to face him her face and words begging the question.

"Do you want me?"

House frowned at this statement utterly confused.

"You were the one who said no commitment…no kissing…"

Cuddy interrupted him with a passionate kiss allowing her tongue to dance between his lips. House raised his hand to her cheeks and brushed them gently with his fingertips. Cuddy broke contact for a single breath

"Does that answer you question?"

House leaned forward into her lips nibbling, tugging and continuing where she left off.

"Does that answer yours?" he rasped.

The two fell into the covers.

Within minutes their clothes were removed in a pile. Limbs entangled…so different from last time…House continued to taste her…._so sweet…lips …kisses….juices below_ _drink them in_…Cuddy moaned in absolute pleasure. House wanted to rub it in of what she missed last time but none of that mattered now. _Death would be knocking soon…I shall not go out without a moment of bliss…true bliss… for once…_

Cuddy continued to moan calling out his name. _I need to hear you say my name…_House moved up from his current position to see her eyes…_her beautiful eyes…I need to see them for_ _myself to believe that this was true…_ Her breathing was rabid. Sweat glistened on her breast. Her hand continued to stroke his hard length edging him on. _She wants me to do this…I want to do this…._

House hesitated. Cuddy's eyes grew wide and impatient.

"What?"

House paused …_you think too damn much Greg…_

"Is this a pity fuck?"

Cuddy although continuing to stroke him even more fierce and harder than before began to confuse House's perceptions.

"Does it matter?"

House gazed at her…_sincerity…honesty….does it matter?_ He wanted to scream yes, but instinct overruled. He plunged into her filling her making her whole. Cuddy looked at him as he lay on top of her keeping a rhythmic motion.

"Your leg…"

House shook his head.

"Fine."

He was finding the words harder to say_. God_ _I am so close. I want you to feel this too_. Cuddy opened her eyes …_they looked so sad, pleading…something is wrong…_

"I need you House," she whispered.

At that, House exploded into her body…..

* * *

House shot up in bed soaked to the bone. _Damn it…what the fuck just happened?_ He looked down at the bed. The smell of sex was absent. Cuddy didn't exist. He was alone in a urine soaked bed. _Damn Catheter_. He grinned to himself. _Talk about a wet_ _dream._

With a heavy sigh, he stood up and began to tear off his clothes trying to shake the realism of the dream. I thought…doesn't matter… House began to put on a pair of new underwear when he hears an insistent pounding on the door. His heart beat faster.

_Could it be? _

_

* * *

_

_Sorry to be a tease, but I felt you guys got jipped out of their first encounter (apparently House thought so too please review. It makes my whole day! _

_Up next:_

_Is it or isn't it? What do you think or hope?_

_Hopefully that chapter will be up this weekend._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own House.

* * *

House continued to tear off the urine soaked sheets and headed toward the bathroom, his heart beating wildly. _Good thing Wilson doesn't live here anymore or I'd never hear the end of it…_

The knocking continued, sharp, and intense. _What if it is her?_ He looked at his half naked body and limped as quickly as he could to gather the rest of his clothes to greet his guest.

House secretly hoped that the knocking would cease and that whoever was there would leave him alone to wallow or in his case drown in…whatever at this point. _My wish is_ _not coming true_…He peered through the peephole to see the darkened hair of Cuddy. _God, am I psychic or what?_

Opening the door with a grin. "And what did I do to deserve this late night pleasu…" The words faded as suddenly as they sprung. It was Cuddy, perhaps a shell of Cuddy. Her eyes looked lost, blank, as streams ran down her crimson cheeks.

When she finally realized that House had opened the door, her blue eyes met his. Both stood staring at the other the silence beckoning, refusing to leave.

_Fuck silence_. House opened his mouth to speak when he noticed Cuddy tightly gripping a once pristine towel now covered in blood. His quick assessment of her revealed that the blood was not from a place easily accessible to the naked eye. _If it was hers at all_… His eyes dropped to the floor. Cuddy's followed.

She wanted to speak. _The words have left me too…_

One look in House's eyes, Cuddy knew he understood. Blinking back the tears and biting on her lower lip, she felt her body tremble whether it was from blood loss or something else entirely; she knew she wouldn't be able to stand much longer on her own. _I am always on my own_… _so tired of being on my own_…She slowly leaned into House's solid frame. _Even in his constantly injured state, he is my rock. I need a rock to keep me standing…to keep me steady._

House saw Cuddy's hesitant steps to move toward him. _Please don't expect too much from me. I am not your rock of strength, but a stone that may pull you down. _

Insecurity wavering, the two met in an awkward embrace. Cuddy pressed her body up as close as she possible could to gain warmth from House. _I need to feel life within me again…_

House allowed it attempting to return the embrace the best he could. While holding her, his own thoughts wandered and his heart beat faster. _Oh my God…was it mine?_

As if reading his mind, she spoke in a muffled tone burying her words against a now bloodied rock shirt.

"I tried again…anonymous donor." House allowed his breath to escape him. _Not my_ _child…somebody's…hers_…House remained silent, but the smell of the blood carefully wrapped in the disguise of a fluffy white towel still in Cuddy's small hands was becoming overwhelming. _Urine and blood…released…unwanted and expelled…we are unwanted….betrayed by our own bodies.._

House raised a hand cautiously as if watching himself in slow motion allowing it to touch her…._her hair_….gently. _I don't know how to comfort but I have witnessed it through the looking glass._

Cuddy stiffened. House began to pull away. _Maybe I shouldn't touch her_…Cuddy relaxed snuggling closer against him overcoming the momentary shock of warmth coming from his fingertips. _He never ceases to amaze me…_

House eventually pulled away from Cuddy. He opened his mouth to speak. A small part of Cuddy wanted to smile realizing that this was probably the longest House had ever gone without speaking.

"Would you like to sit down?"

Cuddy simply nodded. She followed behind him suddenly noticing the smell of the urine coming from the bedroom. She didn't mention it but wondered if he was having his own issues to deal with. The two sat down inches apart from each other on the couch. House eyed Cuddy through the corner of his eye waiting for her to make some sort of move. _Should I turn on the TV? Should we…talk?_ While the possibilities raged through his head he felt the graze of fingertips against his own. He stared back into her eyes. _You don't need to say anything._

House allowed her hand to hold his while flashes of his dream came to mind. _I need you, she had cried_. House sighed. _Damn psychic ability. _

The two sat in silence until morning.

_

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Hope you all enjoyed. You guys are amazing! I have had over 23,000 hits on this story. A new record for me. Let me know what you think! Please review!_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. So sad. Contains spoilers for season 3 and upcoming episodes for season 3 that didn't air yet._

House awoke to find a deep throbbing pain in his leg and a warm sensation on his chest. _Thank God, it's not in my pants this time. _Cuddy had curled herself up on him, her breathing relaxed. House looked down at her curls brushing them back gently. _God you're beautiful._

He could feel his heart beginning to beat a bit faster than normal as she murmured something incomprehensible against his body. House shut his eyes trying to control the pain through breathing. _What I wouldn't do for a vicodin right now…._

Cuddy began to stir almost on instinct. Her eyes opened slowly tying to absorb her surroundings. _House?_ She heard ragged breathing_. Oh my God…_

Cuddy's eyes shot up to meet his face. He was sweating and grasping his leg. Cuddy's face softened. _Damn couch…_

"Here let me." House had no time to interject. Cuddy's fingers began to massage his thigh. Careful pressure remained on the left side while her right hand balanced on the right. House could feel himself becoming easily aroused at this gestured. Cuddy was oblivious_. She doesn't know what she's doing…_

Cuddy could feel House's leg relax a bit under her guided pressure. She also noticed certain fullness in his jeans. Her eyes met his which were pleading with her. _What am I doing to him?_

Cuddy eased off his leg. House immediately felt the warmth leave him. _She knows. I have embarrassed her and myself yet again…_

"Are you OK?"

House refused to look at her directly.

"Well, you're no Ingrid but it'll do." _It will never be enough_.

His eyes closed. _God leave now, Cuddy, before I change my mind….this ship has sailed you said…_

He started to get up off the couch.

"If you don't mind, I didn't sleep well last night…" _God, Greg, you're being such an ass to her…_

Cuddy's eyes fell. House looked back to her_. No rebuttal. She is broken._

House rolled his eyes inching toward her.

"Come here." He put a gentle arm around her Cuddy flinched completely caught off guard from his reaction.

"I know you can't get enough of the Greg lovin'.

Cuddy smirked. _There he was. Good old Greg_.

Cuddy leaned into his embrace. It warmed her and comforted her and made her long for something she shouldn't. _Not now…not with him…can't…_

He felt her pulling away. _What? Did I do something wrong?_

Cuddy's blue eyes met his. She smiled. _He looks so lost. Scared too. He thinks it's him. Maybe it is…maybe it is …me. _

"Thank you." House could barely hear her voice above his own heart. He didn't want her to leave already. They had spent most of the night in slumber with her tears drying as quickly as they fell into his shirt. Cuddy looked down at his shirt. _His shirt…the_ _blood_…her mouth went dry_. I need to leave_.

She began to turn when her breathed hitched as he touched her arm.

_I am not the only one who has lost a life. His is soon to follow._

"How is the jaundice?"

House let go of her arm. _Distractions._ _I can play too_…

"Great. Haven't you noticed the ochre yellow color glow my cheeks have? It's all the rage this summer." Cuddy turned to face him_. Deflecting …nice…_

"Can you swallow?"

House eyes fluttered a bit while he waggled his brows.

"Isn't that a question I should be asking you?"

Cuddy grinned.

"Stop."

House continued to smirk until he saw she was serious. _Oh shit._

"House, I know you want me." _Did I just say that_? "We can't…"

House's voice growled. "Why?"

Cuddy sighed. "It wouldn't work…right now…"her heart ached, "It wouldn't be right."

House nodded. _The pitter patter had faded_.

"Stay."

Cuddy remained strong. _I am tired of crying for everyone. _

"I can't."

With that, she turned to leave. House didn't try to stop her.

_Please review! I love it when you all do!_

_Up next-House reflects on the status of his life and what he is missing-spoilers for Fetal Position. _


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. Contains spoilers from season 3 and beyond._

House sat on the park bench twirling his cane. What the hell is wrong with me?

He watched as lovers walked by gazing into each other's eyes_. I am cold._

He watched a new mother caring for her newborn_. I am alone._

He stopped twirling. _I am a fool._

He closed his eyes and tried to figure out what went wrong, where he went wrong.

_Earlier that day…._

It was brilliant. He had fooled Wilson for a moment into believing Cuddy wanted his hot bod. A smirk crossed his lips in remembrance. Wilson found out the plot. House felt his heart tighten as Wilson played along, allowing him to think that he truly wanted Cuddy. _My Cuddy_. For a moment in an actual honest attempt, although not perceived that way, House thought maybe he should take a backseat and allow Wilson a chance…only for a moment. House truly wanted to know what Wilson felt, but yet the expression on Cuddy's face if Wilson kissed her would have been priceless…or disastrous_. Depends on whose side you are on_. House glowered. _I am only on my side now. _

Of course, House's side was not the winning one. In a moment of pure honesty, a rare and fleeting moment for him, He asked Cuddy on a date. _Yes, this was a date_. Not a friend thing, but a date. _What did she say? Typical Cuddy_. First she looked completely shocked then generally pleased. With that perfect soft look on her face she replied with a cautious "I can't." _I can't. That has to be my least favorite phrase…one of them anyway. Me being my usual charming self sabotages it further by asking if she would_ _consider and extra 100 dollars to skip Wilson and do me. Cuddy started to frown. Not freak out, but just frown. Busted…_

"I have a last minute board meeting that evening." House tried to put the sparkle back into his eyes, but failed miserably "Right. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

She smirked. "What Wilson and I do is none of your business." With that she was gone. _I am a fucking fool._

_Present Day…._

Now House sat contemplating his lack of a life. He had no girlfriend. He had no child. _I can still feel Emma's baby's….fetus…what the hell… baby's fingers_… House rubbed his fingers subconsciously. _I have this horrible fucking leg pain…my crutch. I am a_ miserable_ old man. When did I get to be so pitiful and whiney?_ House sighed. He wasn't whining to anyone but himself. _I have no one to whine to._

His reverie was shattered by the soft clicking of heels on cement.

"What are you doing here?"

House refused to meet her eyes.

"My shift is done."

_No snark this time, just the simple truth._

Cuddy stared hard at him. _His eyes were different. Full of regret? Maybe he did mean the date as something else? A real date with Greg House? Was there such a thing?_

"What are you going to do with the tickets?"

House thought but couldn't think of anything to say. _Words fail me_.

Cuddy was taken back by his silence. _Words fail him?_

"I don't know. It's for a Friday night so I need to check my social schedule."

Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"What ever you do, have fun."

House tried to grin. _Fun passed me by a long time ago._

_Friday night…_

House sat down at the piano. He kept staring at the keys, but played nothing. _My soul is_ _hollow_. He reached up and grabbed his scotch. _Cuddy had every reason so many reasons_ _to shut you down_. _He was a dying man. Maybe a few months tops. Why start_ _something you can't finish?_ He took a huge gulp. _On the other hand why start something that you never wanted to begin with?_

The glass returned to the piano empty. House sighed about to call it a night when he heard a knock on the door. _Should I even bother to answer it?_ He stood up and grabbed his cane. He begins to edge toward the door as softly as he could. After a few minutes the knocking stopped. _Someone is giving up too easily_. House edge closer to the door and slowly opened it. He smiled to himself at what he saw_. Maybe…just maybe…._

_Only a few chapters left. Hope you are all enjoying it so far. So is it Cuddy? Will they get together and live happily ever after? What do you think?_

_Please review!!!_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. I think that the quote I used from a poem was Keats but not sure…._

* * *

House tried to suppress the smile that rose to greet his lips_. Play it cool._

"What do you want?"

Cuddy grinned. "I thought I would see if you were home or at the play…how was it?"

House brought his eyes to briefly meet Cuddy's.

"Fine."

Cuddy smirked.

"You didn't go did you?"

House rolled his eyes. "Of course I didn't. I mean it's kind of heard to go to play when you don't have the tickets for it."

Cuddy's face twisted. _Oh shit._

"What do you mean you didn't have tickets? You lied to me?"

House tried to cover his tracks. "I mean I had them but gave them away …"

Cuddy snorted. "Sure. Here I am trying because I thought you wanted to try…"

Realizing she had said too much, she becomes silent. _I want you, you idiot_.

House's baby blues greeted hers_. She wants you, you idiot. Don't fuck it up this time._

House backed from the door gesturing Cuddy to enter. _Let's get this over with…before things get too complicated…._

Cuddy entered gently brushing against House's hand. A slight stirring occurred in him. _Too late…_

Cuddy took off her jacket and sat on the couch. House limped away to the kitchen only to return with two beers. Cuddy's glare retracted slightly.

"Thank you."

House sat down next to her with a small smile. "You're welcome."

The two drank in silence. He grabbed the remote and flicked on the TV. The mindless glow of the set would ease any uncomfortable conversation or maybe any conversation for that matter…

"How are you feeling? Still having trouble swallowing?"

House flicked off the TV. "Did you come over here to pester me about my impending death? Because if you did I'd really appreciate knowing that now so I can distract myself with some mindless porn…" Cuddy shut up. She placed the beer down on the table with a slam.

"I'm going to go." She stood up. House shut his eyes. _I'm going to regret this_…He grabbed her arm.

"No, you came all this way to annoy me and I'm not going to let you go that easily."

Cuddy's blue eyes grew hazy and unsettled by his use of words. _So open and blunt, but yet full of underlining meaning…_

"Fine. I am sure I have many ways to annoy you that even you have thought of yet."

House returned to his beer and took a swig. Cuddy watched. _He is swallowing fine. Maybe…._

He did grip his hand to his side almost in a response to her thoughts_. Damn…I thought_.

He took a sharp breath in holding it for an eternity afraid to breath. Finally he let it out along with the pain. _Relax…._

He turned the TV back on. Cuddy stared at it with him listlessly a world away.

* * *

A few hours later, House noticed that Cuddy's eyelids were drooping as she struggled to keep his company. _What the fuck am I doing_? He reached out a finger and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Hey."

Cuddy looked over to him. Her lips smiled ever so slightly. House relished any look she gave. He stood up and made his way over to the piano_. I feel….I feel like playing…_

His graceful fingers plucked a chord and began to weave a miraculous melody one that Cuddy had never heard before. It was so beautiful that instinctively Cuddy felt tears sting her eyes although she refused to grant them freedom. His whole demeanor relaxed when he played. Eyes closed and breathe steady, his body totally became one with the music. _He became one with something….no barriers no sudden doom….he is trying to_ _open up…._ When House had finished playing he leaned back away from the piano. Cuddy 's breathing was the only thing House could hear next to the beating of his own heart.

"My God….what was that? I never heard something so beautiful…so pure…"

House continued to stare at the keys absentmindedly running his fingers over them.

"It was…" he paused….searching for the words…._not words at all_…."my feelings…for you." His eyes met hers on the last word. Cuddy's stopped breathing. Her eyes grew lighter and she bit her lower lip in such a way that House felt his resolve melt. He had never bore his soul to anyone. Not even to Stacey. _Don't tread on my dreams….for they are all I have…._

Cuddy stood up and took her place next to House on the bench. Without a word her lips met his. _A kiss…._

House pulled away for a moment waiting for her spiteful words…_no commitment_ to appear. They never did. Only a sweet, sweet smile and two gentle hands cradling his were what he felt. He searched her face for anything rejecting him, but it wasn't' there. Hoses took his time moving in for a kiss allowing it to linger ever so softly on her lips, teasing and tugging at them with his teeth. Soft moans erupted from Cuddy in response which only encouraged him to try and take it to the next level. His hand reached up and began to cup her breast. He waited for a slap, a slug from his cane…anything. He began to pull away when he felt her grip his hand tighter around her.

"Take me."

With a pounding heart, House growled and bit further on her mouth, exploring her with his tongue. Their hands made their ways to his t shirt, ripping it in their fervor. Cuddy gasped. It was the Jack Daniels shirt. Her wide eyes were met with a smirk.

"A casualty of war. One for the team…" He couldn't stand to be away from her mouth anymore. He gently pushed her to the floor by the piano allowing her to feel his hard member through his jeans. She rubbed against him feverishly as if by will that the clothes would disappear if she kept trying. "Bedroom?" She panted.

House's eyes ablaze with passion. "Too far..."

He kept kissing her opening her blouse button by button. He was agonizingly slow which caused Cuddy to grow impatient. She wanted to tear the shirt off but knew that taking her time would only be worth it in the end. House began to work his way to her neck. _So soft_… He began to suckle on it in little nibbles haunting her with visions of what he could be doing to her other body parts. Cuddy felt the heat in her loins rise. "House….please…"

He grinned. "Please what?" He whispered in her ear.

"Make love to me." House caught his breath in response…_make love_…. He kissed her again on the lips eagerly hungry…. _Always…_

Their clothes slipped off along the way though neither remembered how. House kept his eyes firmly on Cuddy's as he entered her to see her reaction. He face was flush and eyes closed halfway. He felt her moist and pure and eager for him… me_…she wants me…_ He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He could feel himself slowly losing it. _No…don't_ _want this to end_. "Cuddy…" he was begging…begging her to climax with him…Cuddy willed it to be. With a fevered heart she moaned gripping his back tighter as she exploded on his cock. House felt her muscles tightening …_so much pleasure…don't deserve it…_

House's self loathing exploded along with his member. He held onto Cuddy for dear life. _Don't let me go_….gasping her name with soft moans. Cuddy held on to him_. I will_ never _leave you alone_…. House laid his head on her chest. _What have I done? She knows_ _now…I can feel…I am human_….House looked into her eyes reluctantly removing his head off of her chest.

"I am always here for you House. Always." House said nothing. Because he could suddenly feel nothing…He looked at Cuddy and began to cough. _I feel like_…Cuddy's eyes grew wide. _God no, not now please_…"House? House talk to me!"

House pulled himself off of Cuddy grabbing the side of his throat_. I can't breath_. A sharp pain shot through his side simultaneously. His coughing grew worse. _I am falling_ …_maybe_….he looked at Cuddy who began to look hazy to him…_maybe waking up to something new…._

With that he lost consciousness.

* * *

Did you like? I hope so. I figured you all deserved a good Huddy moment. Sorry to end with so much angst.

Up next: THE TWIST!!!! Anyone want to guess? I won't tell anyway. Wink.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_Disclaimer: I do not own House. Spoilers included through season three thanks to Television without Pity spoiler boards!._

_

* * *

_

House slowly opened his eyes. His throat felt raw. He instinctively reached a hand up to touch it and began coughing uncontrollably. Through his barely opened eyelids, he saw Cuddy. _Cuddy. . _

"Oh my God, House…..hold still."

She seemed a bit flustered, hesitant…._afraid?_

"Don't try to speak. You have a tube down your throat."

She reached in a pulled it out all the while House quelled the urge to gag. Cuddy kept one hand on the base of his neck and the other coaxed the tube out. House felt his eyes water and brushed away unshed tears. After several blinks he decided to take in his surroundings. _Same nauseating walls, familiar beeps and annoying nurses moving in and out of the room. Yep, it's got to be Princeton Plainsboro….. _

Cuddy's eyes couldn't hide her joy at seeing House awake…_alive._

"How are you? Can I get you anything?" Cuddy sat up from her spot on the end of the bed. House saw that the sheets had been firmly pressed. He smiled. _Cuddy's ass on my_ _sheets… permanently_ A small chuckle escaped.

Cuddy swung around. "Are you laughing at me?" Her eyes were blazing. House rolled his in return. _God, she takes everything so personally._

"No, I was laughing with you…except you weren't stay away from me huh? I know the funbags must have been feeling neglected. "He leered suggestively. "Come here" he said with the wave of a hand. "I'll take care of them for you."

Cuddy scoffed. "What the hell are you doing? Nice to see your sense of humor didn't get lost in all of this."

"Why would it? Besides I know you can't resist the Greg lovin'." Cuddy simply rolled her eyes and retorted. "In your dreams House." House scanned her blue eyes trying not to feel the pang of sadness tugging. . _She really doesn't remember?_

"Don't you remember this afternoon? Or for that matter whatever day it was. God, you wouldn't stop screaming my name…"

Cuddy lowered her eyes trying desperately to suppress the rising blush in her cheeks. "House…"

"What?" _What the hell is going on? _

The door opened disturbing the moment …_thank God_ ….to House's embarrassment. Wilson rushed over to his best friend's side.

"God, are you OK?" House felt Wilson's needy hands touching his forehead. _Wilson…come on pal_…"I am fine," he stated removing his friend's sweaty hand.

"What's wrong with you people? "

The two of them looked at each other. "How long have I been out?"

Wilson cleared his throat.

"Don't you remember?" _Cuddy looks worried. Too worried._

House felt his breathing quicken.

"You've been here a week. It has been one week since …"

House's eyes narrowed.

"Since what?" _Don't evade the question…_

"Since you were …"

Wilson interrupted to say what Cuddy could not.

"It's been one week since you've been shot by some maniac looking for revenge. You've been in a ketamine induced coma."

_

* * *

_

_What happened while House was unconscious that week? Was Tritter real? What is in store for Cuddy and House in the real future? _


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

_Disclaimer: See previous._

_A/N I know many of you are upset that this was a hallucination induced by the coma. Trust me it is going to get better (Smiles). I had been surfing the boards on Television Without Pity and it had been suggested that House was possibly still in a coma. I thought about it and thought it is very possible. In the episode "No Reason" they never showed what happened to House after he was shot (during his hallucination.) Odd but sometimes things are a bit off in House right? When the show ends with him being put into the operating room I personally was expecting a season opening to House being operated on and angsty Cuddy and Wilson. None of that. We opened up with him jogging (huh?) It seemed reminiscent of the coma hallucination where he woke up in the room and there was no great operation, no crying co workers (or laughing evil Nurse Brenda!) Nothing. So in my mind it is possible. I thank you all for sticking with me thus far. I will now explain the best I can what happened around House to help him concoct his tale of season three. Enjoy! _

_What? Did I just miss something? _

"What?" House blinked rapidly, contorting his face in confusion and a strange feeling of a reality lost.

Wilson sighed. " After that former patient's husband of yours came in and shot you…well…you've been rooming here." Wilson gestured to House's hospital surroundings. House glanced down at his abdomen where a bullet tore through causing pain to radiate to his side. _My liver pain. Naturally I would assume pain from my side would be from my liver failing. Wait is my liver….?_

"Is my liver OK?"

Wilson and Cuddy exchanged glances.

"This coming from a man who indulges in pain medication to the point of ODing…"

House felt his blood run cold. _The overdose…did I ever do that? I have so many questions…_

"Start at the beginning."

Cuddy tried smiling. "Maybe you should get some rest."

"I think I've gotten enough rest for one week don't you? In my case it's been a year." He said muttering under his breath.

"What happened after I was shot?"

"Well," Cuddy began, "He shot you in the abdomen and your neck nearly missing your jugular."

House said nothing. _The mysterious neck pain…_

"He let you bleed for nearly 10 minutes before he ran off leaving your staff to try and save you."

House tried cracking a joke. "Good thing I taught them well huh?"

Cuddy reached up and grasped his hand. _House it's OK to be scared…_

House refused to meet her eyes but stroked her hand in return. _Your touch felt so real to me….I don't know what is real anymore. Is this real?_

Cuddy seemed lost in House's gesture of humanity. She didn't want to destroy it or abandon it, enjoying his warmth as well. _What were you dreaming?_

Wilson noticed her hesitation to continue. "Cameron," he interjected, "said that you asked for ketamine."

House nodded his grip on Cuddy's hand becoming a bit stronger. "I did. Did you listen to me this time?" House found his eyes drawn to Cuddy. She knew that look. The one he always threw in her face when he wanted to hurt her. _I wanted to listen to you last time…but Stacey…._

_They aren't answering me. _House decided to move on.

"So that's it?"

House watched as Cuddy retreated to the other side of the room. _Was she crying?_

"No, not exactly. The man got away. No one knows where he went or who he was. We were hoping you might shed some light on that, but at a later time… anyway, you were operated on. As you can see that went well…"

"What aren't you telling me Wilson?"

Wilson ran his hands through his hair his nerves wracking. "There was some touch and go moments for awhile. You flat lined twice."

Cuddy had turned her attention and teary eyes back to House. "After that, you weren't breathing on your own so we gave you a little assistance." House felt his throat without thinking. _Difficulty swallowing…God my mind is so cool to come up with this stuff!_

"I've been here ever since?"

Cuddy shrugged. "Yes."

House's eyes darted back and forth. _What about Tritter? The miscarriage ? Us?_

His eyes looked into Cuddy's blue one pleading for answers to which she hadn't yet heard the questions. _None of it was real? None of it?_

"Well, well well…it looks like our sleeping beauty decided to join the world."

House's heart stopped. He knew that voice. His eyes widened. Tritter. _Well it's nice to see some things weren't a hallucination._

Cuddy stepped forward to shake Tritter's hand. "Detective Tritter. Nice to see you. Dr. House just woke up a few minutes ago."

Tritter's eyes, cold in reality as they were in House's mind stared back at him. "And you didn't call me? I thought you would want the manhunt for that monster to continue once your precious doc woke up? Well, maybe he isn't as important to you as I thought."

House smirked reaching out for the thermometer so carelessly left beside his bed holding it up to eye level. "So have we met before?"

Tritter returned the smirk. "Only in your dreams, Dr. House."

_Nightmare's more like it._

"Detective Tritter was the officer assigned to your case. He has been trying to track down the man who tried to kill you. "

"I see he is doing a wonderful job too."

Tritter scowled at the comment. Wilson sensed animosity from House although unsure as to why. "I think Dr. House needs his rest, Detective." Tritter nodded. "I'll come back another time."

Cuddy smiled graciously until he left before turning to House sparks flying. "How dare you talk to him like that? You don't even know him and…"

"He's an asshole right?"

Cuddy shut her mouth abruptly. "Well, yes, but…"

"Then it's all good." House closed his eyes resting comfortably on the pillow.

"What did happen in that twisted brain of yours?" House opened one eye to view Wilson. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Wilson chuckled. "On that note, I will be taking my leave of you. Later House."

"Later Wilson."

_Only two remain…._

House swallowed hard finding his palms sweaty as he ran them over the sheets. _God, it's just Cuddy… Cuddy who was never your lover…Cuddy who didn't try to have a baby_ _with you…Cuddy….who you didn't insult. Cuddy who you didn't hurt with your words and actions that cut so deep it altered the friendship. Cuddy who didn't' have to see your_ _withdrawal or know about your overdose_. _None of it happened. A clean slate…. I've fumbled unto a new beginning…._

"I should be going too."

"What were you going to ask me last week before I was shot?"

Cuddy froze. _Why is that the first thing he brought up? Do we really have to talk about this now?_

"What?"

"In my office. You came to me to say thank you for the injections, but you wanted to say something else. What was it?"

Cuddy twitched nervously. "I don't remember."

"You're a terrible liar."

_Her eyes, she can't even look at me. _

"I wanted …..look we can talk about this later."

"I almost died. I think it's OK to talk about it now."

Cuddy took another step back attempting to distance her physically as well as emotionally. "You're right. You did almost die. I don't think I can handle much more than that right now."

House looked dejected but knew she would come around when she was ready. He already had a " year" to work on the whole idea of being with another. _Give her time…_

"Did you listen to me? Did you do the ketamine treatment?"

Cuddy faced him with a grin. "Why don't you tell me?"

With that she was gone. House smirked, closing his eyes, knowing that she did it. She trusted him, in his dreams and in his reality. She knew he would be right. A smirk turned into a smile, a genuine smile.

**His leg didn't hurt. **

_What a sweet beginning…._

_I hope you all liked it. I was going to end it here, but I am thinking of continuing it to show how House is now that is leg is pain free. Maybe the ketamine will work for real this time and not in his head where he was tormented by bullet wounds and so on and so forth. What do you guys think? Should we see where House and Cuddy go on in the real world now?? Let me know._


	23. Chapter 23

Epilogue

**I own nothing. **

**Sorry this final chapter had taken so long. I want to thank all you who stuck with me and to the over 35, 000 hits that is truly a compliment especially for a story that started as a one shot. Thank you! Please feel free to review. (I would love to get 200 reviews for this story but can we do 12 more?) **

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The wind blew hard around House as he pulled his jacket tighter around his throat. _A week…it has only been a week. It was a week of torture, of learning, of change both good and bad I suppose. _He leaned in a bit farther on his cane watching the world go by as he sat still on the park bench. _Watching the world go by and waiting ….waiting for what? _He sighed deep and heavy. What difference did it make? _What difference would it make to change…to let someone in…anyone…Cuddy maybe?_

His blue eyes closed allowing the wind, the real wind brush his eyes_. Hallucinations suck in every sense of the word. _He blinked rapidly making sure that this reality was not all in his head as well_. I guess one can never be too sure anymore can they? _

As House sat alone watching his boss approach, for the first time he didn't get the urge to run when he saw her. He was not trying to be a shadow not this time. He was simply a man who found a new way in the world. Her blue eyes met his.

"How are you doing?"

House shrugged giving his eyebrows a slight waggle.

"Maybe if you are up to coming by tonight I can show you."

Cuddy smiled. "It's nice to see some things never change."

House lost his grin. _Why does that bother me so much? _

"Some things have changed."

Now it was Cuddy's turn to look surprised.

"You? Change? Please don't make me laugh now."

House's eyes glazed over at the intended insult. "Whatever."

Cuddy was taken back by his defeat. "Now you have my curiosity peaked. What has changed?"

House squirmed as she made herself comfortable next to him_. Extremely close. _

"Everything."

House winced a bit after he said that. Maybe she'll leave.

"Cuddy's eyes widened waiting for more.

House sighed. "I thought that the past week was reality…a year of reality when in turn none of it ever happened. I thought that I had been in jail, was pain free for a little while anyway….remembered" my_ dad_. "the past. Then there was us."

Cuddy's eyebrows rose slightly. "Us? How did that go?"

House looked her in the eye and took a deep breath. "Wonderful."

Cuddy's face softened. Not in a long, long time had she ever heard House use the term wonderful without being sarcastic.

_Maybe he was…._

"Are you being sarcas…"

House chuckled. "No, I am being honest. Honesty is good right?"

_He seemed unsure. House was unsure… _Cuddy reached out to grab his hand. Her eyes met his_. I am taking as much of a chance here as you are. Please don't pull away._

House gazed at her hand as he ran his over her delicate fingers. Her skin was so smooth just like he remembered…but that wasn't real…none of it was real….except one thing….

Cuddy broke the moment with a frown suddenly realizing something. "Why do you have your cane? Is the pain returning?"

House leaned on the cane, pushing it further into the ground.

He grinned.

"Nope."

He stood up. A habit …it was a habit that was meant to be broken. He dropped the cane. As he watched it fall, he thought, _can I let it go? What if the pain comes back? What if…what if I am not who I thought I was?_

He didn't bend to pick it up. Rather he reached a hand over to Lisa Cuddy who accepted it. _It is time for me to find the person I was meant to be_. With a steadfast resolve he kept his head held high as they left the park.

_Let the metamorphosis begin. _

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****th**** season called Metamorphosis. It might be a bit OOC for House but I hope you will like it. Let me know what you think. Please review! **


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